Now that we have firmly decided the Legal Age to have sex, we face another problem!

Ask what?

A Legal places to have sex !!!

Of course, most people do understand that, sex is a special act that has to be conducted behind closed doors, but with the recent raids on Hotels and Motels, it becomes increasingly confusing, for the Star Crossed Lovers, to zero in on a LEGAL PLACE which can actually be private, without their act being termed as a PUBLIC INDECENCY!

So, it might actually be nice and quite helpful of our responsible Police Wallahs to declare, officially of course, a few such places where lovers can LEGALLY HAVE SEX!

Like, let’s say your Papa Ka Office??

And not after office hours either. I mean, if papa actually knows what you are up to and are close at hand, and if at all the cops catch you, you don’t have to go and call your pop on the phone, he would be right next door, right? Handy as ever!

How about Mum’s Kitchen Garden??

That ways, mum knows that you are just having a fun learning session, and all she has to do is keep her eyes (and ears, in case of screamers) closed and everything should be hunky dory. Just make sure the gardens are enclosed or the Peeping Toms who try to watch girls changing their dresses on a regular basis (they can be our beloved police wallahs too, chances are actually high), might get their sensitivities outraged.

Or maybe the government can come up with some shelters on the roadsides. Completely closed and guarded by the cops. Call them “Dancing Shelters” like Dancing Cars of PK, if you want!

The Cops can verify the legal documents of the couples who want to enter such a shelter for having sex. Ensure that they have taken Parental Consent. Make sure that they want to have sex, strictly for making babies or they want to practice for a college Biology class, and not for having pleasure… And then let them have a go at it! And I am strictly not counting “500 or 1000 ki patti”, which they will definitely not charge for letting them enter! We know them so well, don’t we?

Also, they can hang two roses kissing each other outside the door, so that everyone knows that the shelter is occupied. (Indian Cinema did give us some PUBLICALLY DECENT signs, right?)

And if they really want to make it secure, the cops can actually have a Home Guard in such shelters, like they have in the Delhi Buses?? That works, doesn’t it? (Special seats in Specially Guarded Buses? Can Be An Option for Legal Sex? I am thinking)

Then of course, they can always have a dress code. Which plainly means, “Be Fully Clothed While Having Sex.”

Our Bollywood Actors have managed that pretty well over the last few decades, so I don’t see why we can’t follow cue.

Also keeping the clothes on, will not make the act Indecent and being inside the shelter will not make it public!

Now, if only the cops listen to this plea and come up with such LEGAL Love Making Shelters for Couples, I am sure the lovebirds who resort to going to hotels, motels and lodges, for the lack of available privacy in their homes, due to joint families, will be heaving more than just sighs of relief 😉

Disclaimer: Married Couple availing such facilities should be accompanied by their children who should bear a striking resemblance with at least one of the parents. This is MANDATORY as per certain MUMBAI COPS.

The post Since, Legal Age Of Having Sex Is Decided! Can We Now Please Have Legal Places To Have Sex? appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

On this pious occasion of Guru Pournima, let’s all come together to bow down to our most revered Guru… Google!

We start with this most heartfelt Aarti, offered to our Guru Google Dev.

“Om Jai Google Deva..

Swami Jai Google Deva..

Tum Hi Batao Tumri..

Aap hi batao Aap Ki…

Kaise Karein Seva…

Om Jai Google Deva…

Tum ne hi hum ko GENIUS banaaya…

Saara world ghar se hi dikhaaya…

We are so indebted to you ever…

Om Jai Google Deva!”

And with this, we admit, that we are so in the awe of our respected teacher Guru Google Dev!

And why not indeed?? Google has “Gyan” on everything for everyone.

May you be a 5 year kid, you can actually learn how to eat your cereal without letting it fall on your clothes.

Or if you are a 70 yr old person, you can gain knowledge on how to cure your varied ailments.

In fact, you don’t even have to visit a doctor, just try all the remedies available on Google, given by the “Experts” … of course, at your own risk.

And Google has all the qualities that a Teacher should have too. Here is what I can think of:

• A Teacher should be good at explaining things to others. And Google excels at that. It not only explains you, but gives you so many options. You want to know about soft drinks and it will give you 100 different views on it. Even your regular Teacher can’t do that.

• A Teacher should be enthusiastic!! And Google is definitely enthusiastic, in fact its overenthusiastic. Before you even finish asking your questions, Google is jumping up and down trying to finish your question with a “Do you mean…” and giving you 10 options too. Sometimes you end up changing your question coz the other option sounded a lot better.

• And like any good teacher, Google also has a strong knowledge in the subject areas. In fact, it has so much knowledge that you can spend your life researching just one subject. You want to know about Milk and Google will tell you how Cows are born too!!! The only person who has more knowledge than Google is probably your wife (okay, okay, ladies, don’t beat me up for that :P)

• And finally, like every good Teacher, even Google is calm under pressure. You might get frustrated because you aren’t getting what you are looking for, but Google will keep directing you to different options. Seek and thou shall receive, sounds like its motto.

At the end of it, one has to wonder why send your child to school anyways, when such an efficient teacher like Google is already in your house.

Just stop paying those fees and start paying for a high speed internet connection instead.

Once day, your child might even pass out with flying colours from the IIN University Jhumritalaya.

Like the wise men said:

“Google Bramha Google Vishnu

Google Devo Maheshwaraha

Google Sakshat ParaBramha

Tasmai Shri Googleye Namah”

May you all have a strong Internet Connection, Always!!

Disclaimer: Any offence meant to IIN Univ or any Teacher or anyone’s wife, is highly regretted. BRB Busy looking up different ways to apologize to someone … on Google 😉

The post Guru Pournima: Let Us All Bow Down To Our Most Revered Guru Google! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

A Kaamwali bai is as much an integral part of any household these days as a Manager is to an Organization!

And there are so many interesting lessons that one can learn from your Kaamwali Bai, which can be implemented in your office to take you to the top of the Organization chain.

Amazed?

Here, have a look at the 10 management lessons that you can learn from your kaamwali bai:

1. Negotiate The Best Deal

Have you ever observed a Kaamwali Bai negotiate?? Whether its her salary or the amount of work she will do?? Cleaning, Sweeping and Wiping the floor … ”pharniture ponchne ka ixtra payisa langega saab! mangta hai to bolo!”

By the time she is done negotiating with you, you are almost ready to agree to everything she has said and even end up giving her a Diwali Bonus, in advance!

2. Get The Best Possible Resources.

When a Kaamwali Bai demands a certain type of soap or even a particular make of broom, you end up buying it for her. If you don’t, you never get the work done to your satisfaction. She has perfectly mastered the art of getting the best resources you can afford, for her to work with.

3. Take Some Time Off Work For Yourself and Get Paid for It Too.

If you ever want to perfect the art of taking a day off, from your work and yet get paid for it, you have to learn it from your maid. Either you give her the day off when she wants it, or she doesn’t show up for work for just enough time to make you suffer and yet just back in time before you start looking for someone else.

Hell, sometimes you even give her an advance to take a holiday, which is never returned.

4. Get the Boss Involved in Your Work.

“Memsaab, ye aisa karu kya?”

“Saabji ye kaise karne ka?”

The KaamWali Bai makes sure that you are involved in almost everything she does. At least everything new that she does. That way, if something does go wrong, she cannot be blamed and you are a party to the mistake.

5. Impress Your Different Bosses and Yet Stay Away From Inter-office Jealousy

If you only notice the way the Kaamwali Bai sweet-talks both the woman and the man of the house, you will know exactly what I am talking about.

On one hand, she has to be just sweet enough to make the Man of the House have a soft corner towards her and not be over-sweet to infuriate the Woman of the House, into thinking something is wrong.

6. Make Your Own Rules and See That They Are Followed

One does hire a maid, according to their timings, but over a period of time, it’s actually you who is adjusting to her timings. You have your breakfast based on what time your Khaane Wali Bai comes; your house gets cleaned when she wants it to be cleaned. You actually don’t invite guests based on when your Kaamwali Bai takes a day off. “Sorry yaar, agle hafte party karenge, ye hafta bai gaon gayi hain”.

7. Carve Your Own Niche and Stick to It

Like every Specialist Manager, even the Kaamwali Bai sticks to her specialty. If she is cleaning, she won’t be cooking. She will Clean, Sweep and Wipe in 10 houses, but will cook in none. Same applies to cooking. By the end of it, she will be a known specialist, of her craft only! If your friend’s Cooking Wali Bai isn’t around, you know exactly who will fit the bill …. on a temp basis, of course !!!

8. Be Always Updated About Everything that Goes on in the Organization And The Industry Too

Important changes in an organization play a very important role in your job. The better informed you are, the better you can perform …. or manipulate. The Kaamwali Bai knows exactly which date the Sahab or Memsaab gets the salary, which month they gets their bonus, have they got a good appraisal this year?? They gather this information through innocent sounding questions, but they are actually being keen observers and gathering important information.

This very information helps them ask for Chuttis, salary raise and the always dreaded advances!!!

They are also updated about the Bais of other houses getting a raise or leaving the job! They have their options ready, you see!

9. Make Sure Your Absence and Importance is Felt

Another interesting trick to learn from the Maids is how to make sure your absence is felt. When you are not there, and some work doesn’t happen, and when your boss says “Damn, if so and so was there, this work would have been done” And BAM!!! That’s when you have achieved what you have set to achieve.

In most of the houses, clothes aren’t washed for days, if the Kaamwali Bai is absent, even if the house has a Washing Machine!!! “Yaar Gangu Bai kab aayegi! Ek bhi shirt nahi bachi pehnane ko”. When, all she is doing is using the machine herself.

10. Make Yourself and Your Position Indispensible

And finally the time comes when you feel completely helpless when you don’t have a KaamWali Bai. End result, you will hesitate firing her even if she has now started taking liberties with her job … well, more than she has already been taking. You won’t get another Bai as good as this one, not in the same cost as you end up paying her and of course “She knows everything about the house” , “At least I am getting cooked food everyday”… these are the general feelings that haunt you !!

And that’s when you have to bow down to the Managerial skills of the Kaamwali Bai. Coz she has won this game and you are forever caught in the trap of having a Kaamwali Bai … Hook Line and Sinker!!

So, the next time you want to update your Managerial Skills and climb up the corporate ladder, all you have to do is observe your Kaamwali Bai. She can perhaps teach you better than attending Shiv Khera’s “You Can Win” seminars. And you will be able to do that at a much lesser cost than paying the Management Gurus and your house remains cleaner too  😀

Disclaimer: Do make sure that you keep a safe distance when you observe your Kaamwali Bai …. Shiney Ahuja didn’t keep his distance and we all know what happened 😉

The post 10 Management Lessons You Can Learn From Your KaamWali Bai! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

With the recent 102nd Indian Science Congress done with, the Media is full of ridicule towards the speech made by Captain Anand Bodas.

As we all know that he was ridiculed, by the “sickular” pseudo-intellectuals (bah, die you!!!) for saying that Indians had discovered airplanes around 7000 to 8000 years back, which could travel from planet to planet, both in forward and reverse and also halt midway.

Mind Blowing!!!!

However, the BJP PM Modi Government has taken these claims quite seriously, if my “always drunk” sources are to be believed.

This definitely needs further investigation and research.

But, since ISRO is quite busy launching real space-ships to Mars (no they don’t halt midair, ISRO is not that backwardly advanced yet) and what not, there is a plan to form a separate branch called ASRO (Ancient Science Research Organization).

This new Body will have the sole task of proving all the claims which have been made by Captain Bodas with firm documentation to enable further scientific research.

The team of Experts, though looking into the ancient past, will be armed with modern futuristic technology like Photoshop and Social Media.

The induction of the members of this team will be done after they have watched the effective documentation of Ramanand Sagar and B R Chopra a minimum of 100 times without sleeping.

A separate team of ASRO experts is also busy in proving how it was Swami Arjun Mendis and not Archimedes, who jumped out of a bath tub (yes we invented those too) and ran naked on the banks of Ganga shouting “O Rekha! O Rekha” when he discovered the ArjunMendis Principle, some 11,000 years ago. Photoshop images to this effect are already being made, even as I type this 😛

The song “Rekha O Rekha, Jabse Tumhe Dekha” is more than enough proof of the occurrence of this event 😀

The ASRO is going to be headed by our Hon. Shri Shri Shri Subramanian Swamy who will be using his Parody Facebook account to publish his conclusions.

Our Hon. HRD Minister Smriti Irani, in a quest to promote the younger minds to enter this field of …ahem … science, has been busy writing up a diktat to all the schools and colleges to start the ASRO scholarship.

The Scholarship will be aimed at the study of all the Ancient Indian Sciences and Vedic India from a very young age. Of course, not to mention, this study will be in Sanskrit ONLY!!

Yeah, I know that will be difficult, but once a kid does pass this scholarship exam, he can actually use the prefix of ASS (Ancient Science Scholar) before his name like they use a Dr. after a Doctorate 😛

It won’t be long before we have young guys going about saying proudly “Hey, I am an ASS”

The ASS courses will now be also taught in schools as mandatory alternative reading (YES IN SANSKRIT, don’t keep asking me that) and will also be made compulsory for all the Ministers and Govt. representatives… atl east for those who are not yet an ASS.

There are also plans to introduce Online courses for ASS. The courses will be called Ancient Science Study and Historical Online Learning Exercise … or in short ASSHOLE. This will be a more in-depth study delving deeeeeeeep into the regions yet explored and will mostly target the NRI learners.

There are also plans to declare 15th September as the ASSHOLE Day with the mandatory optional attendance in all schools and colleges.

Our PM Modi was heard addressing a gathering of the BJP leaders in which he said “By 2020 we vow to make an ASS out of the entire Nation” *clap* *clap* *clap* !!!!

Looking forward to the Indians soon making a complete ASS of themselves. 😉

Disclaimer: All the rumours about Pythagoras being Partha Gore from Kalyan are completely untrue and there is no Ghar Waapsi planned for the Greek mathematician.

The post Let’s Make An ASS Out Of Ourselves’¦ And Be Proud Of It! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

The Women in the North are in trouble again.

The UttarPradesh team of the Khap bigwigs have once again sent out a diktat against the girls of UP (and probably Haryana too)

Now they have banned the pretty Jat girls from using  Facebook and  Whatsapp!!

“When the girls go on Whatsapp they become  Characterless, the parents of all girls are requested to keep a watch to ensure that they don’t use mobile phones to access FB or WA”, said a top Khap Panchayat leader while browsing through  Sunny Leone pictures on his iPhone 6+, almost bending it in his enthusiasm.

“Our Women are not allowed to show their FACE to other men, as is our culture and custom, how they can be allowed to use FACEbook?” another argued.

Another middle aged guy, spitting out on the street, joined in. “If our girls go on the internet and meet guys from other communities, will our boys marry boys?? WA and FB is simply encouraging the boys to become Gay!!”, he thundered.

The All India Khap Association (AIKA) has also sent an official Diktat to FB and WA that they should ban all IP addresses originating from the Jatland with immediate effect. The boys in the area will be given special proxy IPs that will enable them to log on.

“Our culture is going to dogs”, said Chimanlal Bibua, a prominent Khap leader, while swiftly kicking a stray dog aside, “modern technology is spoiling our women, then we have to go and Rape them or Kill them in the name of honor, to teach them a lesson and keep them in their place, thats too much hard work and waste of time, no? Girls will be born again, but wo time to waapis nahi aayega na?”

The oldest leader of the pack solemnly said, “Now with the Women firmly in their place, we can all rest peacefully and get back to doing greater things like banning  Chinese, banning  Jeans and teaching everyone  Saraswati Mantra”

Concerned by the loss of users that this may cause, the Whatsapp team are working on a separate application which will be only for the Jat women (No Men Allowed), it will mostly be called as  JATsKhapp.

The app will be designed in such a way that women will be able to use it only if they are wearing a saree with the palloo draped over the head.

The proposal is currently under consideration by the Khap Panchayat.

Disclaimer: All the contents of this post are true as far as I know, but I don’t know much, in any case, so it’s up to you whether you want to believe it or not 😛

The post Jats(Kh)App For Jat Girls! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

In a surprise (??) ruling by the Union Home Ministry of the #Modi Government, the self styled Yoga Guru, BaBa Ramdev, has been provided with a Z-Security across India.

That means the Baba will not have to run around wearing sarees trying to escape from being hurt (read arrested) anymore.

If you remember, BaBa Ramdev had campaigned extensively for BJP during the LS elections and winked at everybody while doing that 😉 So, Payback Time 😛

So now the Baba would be moving around with 20-22 CRPF personnel, probably all dressed in saffron clothes with assault rifles painted as Leo toys guns so that his bhakts are not scared away.

The reasons cited for this, as usual, are assassination threats received by the Guru, though it’s still a National secret as to who would want to assassinate a simple, down to earth person, with no political inclinations, no moh-maya, no self gain interests, who does good for everyone by teaching them how to move their tummy around in circles (Oh yeah, it’s amazing the way he does it, isn’t it?). Why would someone want to assassinate such a decent selfless person?

That said, a lot of people have immediately applied for Z security with the new Government of India. Most of these applications are being seriously considered by the Union Ministry.

Rohit Sharma has applied for the security to be saved from being mobbed by fans and stripping ex-girlfriends.

Farah Khan and Sajid Khan have gone ahead and applied for security cover too, they are both individually planning to release their new movies soon and are naturally worried about attempts which might be made on their life.

The Association of People Sleeping on the Pavement have also moved the Center for Z security because Salman Khan is still out driving his car 😛

Kamaal R Khan KRK has also asked for a security cover because apparently he has pissed so many people off. The Government has offered him a blanket instead asking him to cover his ugly mug when in public 😉

Though, one of the first ones was Rakhi Sawant who claims that her character is assassinated every now and then by the “peepal” and has asked for a security cover for her character. O Jijus!

In a funny twist the Haryana Godman Rampal Maharaj has also applied for security under the special “GodMan Quota” but the Government has denied the application stating that he is already well protected by the SWAT team which is outside his aashram pretending to arrest him 😉 (sorry arrested…)

Being a proactive Government, they have, also, offered cover for Deepika Padukone asking her to cover up her Cleavage to prevent further controversies.

They are also contemplating giving cover to a number of actresses, Sunny Leone, Poonam Pandey and Sofia Hayat are on the list of actresses who will be given cover ……under the new security scheme launched, which goes by the name of “Prime Minister Cover Yourself Up Yojana”. Of course the Human Rights Activists have already appealed against this particular scheme, but I feel the intentions for doing that are different. Who would want these hotties to cover themselves, right?

Disclaimer: I am also going to apply for Z security, with the traffic situation in Mumbai gone to hell, I feel that every vehicle coming towards me is an assassination attempt.

The post Cover Yourself Up! Says BaBa Ramdev! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Our Hon. Prime Minister, Modi, is finally done with his Australia visit and like every other visit of his; he was all over the news.

The amount of mileage that the Media gives to each of his foreign tour is amazing.

And why should they not? Finally we have a presentable leader who doesn’t make our head hang in shame when he meets International dignitaries. And well, they don’t have a choice either 😉

The last time I watched our previous PM Man Mohan Singh, I was in the UK with a bunch of my English friends who asked me, “Is this your Prime Minister?” And I had a tough time saying a “Yes”. In fact I was looking for a place to hide. The place under the table was too cramped.

With our current PM at least the shame part is avoided and you can hold your head high. Now that’s a change, isn’t it?

So even though the international media doesn’t give as much importance to our PM as our media does, I am fine with Modi being splashed all over the Indian news.

It’s also good to see him speak without holding a bunch of papers in his hands and stuttering to find the last line where he took a pause. Okay, so he uses a teleprompter instead, which is evident. But then with so many speeches to give all over the world, he needs to have someone or something feeding him the lines, right?

The best part, which I like about Modi is that he speaks clearly and with confidence, something which wasn’t found in our leader for the last ten years.

Okay, the speeches are well rehearsed and written by someone else, but who writes his speeches himself these days?? Other than RaGa perhaps … coz I doubt anyone else can write such an immature speech and deliver it with an equally immature finesse 😉

Though not all, but some of the initiatives started by Modi are well worth praise. Okay, they have been reduced to mere photo opportunities by the politicians, but then again, isn’t it the thought that counts?

Also, the amount of energy that the PM has is well worth an applause, he was in Japan, US, Australia and every else in a matter of just six months!! And in that he took time to come back to India too now and then so that he could sweep a street here, talk to the students there. WOW! Such energy! The last time I took a ten days leave, my boss scolded the shit out of me for taking time off work rather than being in my office, where I should be Grrr!!!

The schemes (not the scams) started by the PM are also noteworthy, I am not sure how well they will work, but I kinda like the way they are named “The Prime Minister so and so scheme”. This is quite a different tactic than having each and every scheme and “Yojana” named after the  Gandhi family. 20 years later, the scheme will still exist and the teenagers then might not even know who started it. If that’s not called being fair, I don’t know what is?

Another thing which I like is the way our PM is tech savvy. Okay maybe he is not the one who is tech savvy, maybe it’s those 200 IT engineers and MBA’s sitting in his PR room who are handling the tech side of his profile, but nevertheless, you do find Modi everywhere. On Twitter, on Facebook, on Instagram, everywhere…. constantly… all the time!! If anyone of us spends so much time on the social media, we would be reprimanded by our bosses for wasting our time, but hey, he is the PM, he doesn’t have a boss, even if he says that he is a Pradhan Sevak  😉 !!

And last but not the least, I love the way Modi doesn’t miss a single opportunity to address the nation. I have always felt that the PM of the Nation should always be more communicative, which was missing in the past. Okay, maybe the speeches are the same repetitive stuff and maybe he does one too many of them, but he is communicating, right?

Of course, all these things do not cover up the bad qualities that a person might have but what’s good should be appreciated, right? Credit should be given where credit is due!!

Disclaimer: One thing is certain, I am now going to spend a lot of time on social media (more than I do now) and travel all over the place, though I will have to pay for it myself, cant burden the exchequer for it, and if my boss says anything, I am going to tell him, I am following in our PM’s footsteps. Can someone tell me how to register on Instagram please? 😛

The post Why I Like Modi – Youth Of India Speaks appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Farah Khan has just gone on record declaring her overjoyed state of mind.

She went on twitter and tweeted like a twit that the Script for her movie Happy New Year has gone to the Oscar Library.

Oh yes, you have heard it right!!!

HNY is now officially in the Library of Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

Basically the scripts in the Oscar library are accessible to people for research purposes.

At the moment, Farah and Shahrukh Khan are jumping with joy and giving out parties, though they are a bit confused about exactly what went to the library, one single A4 sized blank page??

When Farah was asked to send the HNY script to the Oscar committee, she asked if she should send it via Whatsapp or will a simple SMS do? 😉

SRK was heard asking in Gauri’s ear “WTF?? There was a script?? Why wasn’t I told? I thought my 8PackAbs, were the script” 😛

But that said, HNY is indeed a script worth researching, whatever they used to write notes upon, if any, that is.

It’s filed under two sections.

One is “How To Not Make a Film EVER”. Here HNY has been chosen over other prominent scripts like Humshakals and Himmatwala of Sajid Khan. Unfortunately the Oscar committee didn’t have any Himmat to see the Shakal of those scripts.

And the other section is “How In The Hell Does a Shitty Script like this Gross So Much Money“, here there was a tough competition between HNY, Bang Bang and Kick. Both these scripts were kicked out with a bang 😉 

The film makers in Hollywood are dying to know the answers to this and will be doing a thorough analysis regarding this. It’s also heard that Steven Spielberg plans to retire in the coming week. 

RGV (Ram Gopal Verma) also plans to go to Hollywood soon to understand where he is going wrong …. One simple answer RGV ….. EVERYWHERE!

Disclaimer: Incidentally I have also written a script, “My Big Black Thirsty Crow”. The casting is being finalized between SRK and Salman Khan. When I am famous and when my script goes in the Oscar library, I will give you all a party.

The post Happy New Year Script Goes In The Oscar Library! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

In a rather startling news, a ‘ª‎Spice Jet plane hit a (believe it or not) ‘ª‎Buffalo during takeoff, from ‘ªSurat Airport.

Now, we have heard of planes hitting birds….. But a BUFFALO ???????!!!!!

Let us take a stroll in the reasons and repercussions of the HUGE ACCIDENT! THE COLATERAL DAMAGE you see.

While the ‘ª‎Congress has demanded the resignation of the ‘ª‎PM’ª‎Modi for this incident, obviously, since it happened in ‘ª‎Gujarat, on further investigation a lot more was uncovered.

If renowned undisclosed sources are to be believed, the Buffalo was a part of an elaborate experiment being conducted by our ‘ª‎BJP Transport Minister Mr. ‘ª‎Nitin Gadkari.

No! No! No! It wasn’t Gadkari, it was just his experiment. It was an actual buffalo. Please don’t get confused.

Right after trying to get a ‘ª‎Seaplane to land in Lonavala, planning to start chartered flights to Colaba, getting a ‘ª‎Bullet train to go from Mumbai to Ahmedabad and doing an Aerial survey for a Sea route near ‘ª‎Ram Sethu, Gadkari has come up with a fantastic proposal of ‘ª‎Eco-friendly cheap flights.

Basically they involve buffaloes flying on biotech fuel (‘ª‎Gobar Gas) and will be cheap and won’t affect the environment, other than the buffalo poor stench. The only drawback is that it would be a two-seater low flying flight with wind in your face.

But hey, who doesn’t like a convertible

Apparently the Air Traffic Control ‘ª‎ATC did not issue instructions in Gujarati, and hence the buffalo being from Surat, got confused and went right into the flight path of the Spice Jet aircraft.

Details of this experiment haven’t been released. But this seems to be the only logical reason for a buffalo gallivanting on a runway.

The government has been quick to hush up the entire episode, even though Spice Jet has planned to not fly from Surat.

But, I guess that’s okay, ‘ª‎Kingfisher Airlines have stopped flying from any airports

In an unrelated news, ‘ª‎Laloo Prasad Yadav has reported a couple of his buffaloes being stolen and is planning to sue to ‘ª‎Government.

Disclaimer: To those who might be wondering, yes there was a delay in the flight. The BUFFALO took off with a Two Hour Unscheduled Delay.

Apologies for the Inconvenience caused – Moral, Physical, Psychological or Illogical it may be!!

The post The Inside Story Of A Spice Jet Plane Hitting A Buffalo Is Now Out! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

I always found it a bit funny when the Central Board of Film Certification #CBFC started issuing the statutory warnings about Cigarette smoking in movies.

Every time an actor lights up a smoke during a scene these days, inevitably, the message pops up …. Statutory Warning: Cigarette Smoking is Injurious to health.

And now, the CBFC have taken this one step further, they will be issuing warnings against Drinking too (wonder if the Dry State Ex-Ruler #Modi has a hand in this 😛 just kiddin’)

Shahrukh Khan’s Happy New Year will probably be the first movie with this kind of a warning. So every time there is alcohol on the screen a warning will pop up …

Statutory Warning: Consumption of alcohol is injurious to health.

Sometimes, I feel, it might have been a better idea to simply do away with the projection of such scenes, but I guess if the CBFC is happy with allowing these scenes and simply issuing a warning, who am I to complain?

Right?

If sources are to be believed, the CBFC have now turned a new leaf and are planning to educate the movie going audience about the evils that surround them by well placed warnings throughout the movies.

Soon we will have various warnings popping up in the middle of a movie.

When Sunny Leone dances seductively to “Baby Doll main Sone Di” we will see…

Wearing Revealing Clothes Might Lead to Rape.

Cover yourself Up!: Khap Panchayat Warning

And when we have a Hero whipping out his smartphone to receive his Maa ka Phone, flashing below on the screen, you will find …

Mobile Phone Radiations can be Harmful for your Ears and Might Cause Cancer.: Juhi Chawla Warning

I wouldn’t be too surprised if whenever a heroine does a sexy rain dance to “Tip Tip Barsa Paani” we get a flash warning…

Getting Excessively Wet in Rains Can Cause Pneumonia … Dry Yourself Quickly : Vicks VapoRub Warning

And then in the cases of those extensive high speed car chases we will have …

Please Obey Traffic Rules! Wear Seat Belts!: Issued in Public Interest by RTO.

For almost every Fight scene we can have a warning that goes …

Criminal Actions Are Punishable by Law. Don’t take Law in Your hands or be Ready to Pay a Bribe: Issued in their own Interest by Indian Police 😉

When the Heroine’s father gets all hyper about his daughter running away with a Phateechar Hero, we will probably see a …

Excessive Stress May Cause Heart Diseases: WHO Warning

And ofcourse, when a Kajol runs after a train and is pulled in by a Shah Rukh, we will have this flashing in bold letters …

Chalti Gaadi Mein Chadhna Mana Hain: Aapki Seva Mein Haazir, Bharatiya Rail Vibhag!!

I can, perhaps, think of a warning for almost every scene which takes place in our Bollywood movies.

And though, I think, that it would spoil the fun of the movie, I do think that the CBFC is doing a very honorable job by introducing such warnings in the interest of Public Health and Safety (Yeah Right!! :P)

That said, I wonder if the CBFC can come up with a Statutory Warning for Sajid Khan films??

Something like…

Watching This Movie Can Impair Your Ears, Eyes, and all Other Senses. Might also Cause Brain Damage: Angry Viewers Warning!!!

Now that would only be sensible, Right? 😛

Disclaimer: Reading The Humour Section and Not Having a Good Laugh, Might be Injurious to Your Health and Our Enthusiasm … Statutory Warning. 😛

The post Statutory Warning: Excessive Censoring May Lead To No Movies At All appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Since, Diwali is right around the corner, as is almost a custom; I went to the Manglooram MBA’s Fireworks Shop to purchase my regular stock of fireworks.

Mangloo, unlike MunnaBhai MBBS is an actual MBA, speaks excellent English and is very presentable. The only Gandhi, Mangloo likes to see, however, is the one which comes on the Rs. 1000 notes.

He saw me approaching and gave me a big grin beckoning me to enter his shop.

“So Mangloo got any new stuff this time?” I smiled back at him.

Grinning from ear to ear, Manglooram took me to the back of the shop where a wide array of fireworks was kept in for display. “These, Saar, are the latest of the fireworks, they are called the Celebrity Fireworks”, he started, picking up a shocking green color tube.

“This is the Rakhi Sawant Lavangi Fataka, I know it doesn’t look like much, Saar, and most of the times it doesn’t make much noise either. But gather a few people around it, give it a kiss on its cap and train few cameras on it and watch the amount of noise it makes”

“And this, Saar, is the Hritik Roshan BhuiChakkar, just light it up and it will dance all around the floor so quick that it will be hard to track. The only problem is that it goes ‘poof’ fast and sometimes goes out with a Bang Bang”

He then picked up a rather slender looking piece from the middle of the rack.

“This, Saar, is the Deepika Fulbaaji, all you have to do is angle it to around 30 deg so that its cleavage is exposed and then it keeps on making nonstop noise for a record breaking time”

“And here we have the Sajid Khan Fuski Bomb, they keep trying to sell it every year, I wonder why, it never takes off.”, he said discarding it into the rubbish bin.

He then dragged me to another part of his shop and picked up a rather cute looking Anaar (POT). “And may I present you the Shiney Ahuja Pot. This one is the safest POT and gives out a rather good looking array of lights, the only problem is that it needs to be kept away from women, or it bursts into flames”.

“And here, Saar, is the Bipasha Late Night Bomb. You don’t get this piece much these days, and it only goes off after its dark. Makes weird kind of noises and scares the hell out of little children, but can be fun for those with a strong heart”

Then, Manglooram, in his excitement dragged me to a separate section. “This, Saar, is the Superstar Section, also known as the, ‘Khan’ Ke Neeche Awaaz Section”

“You see this nutty looking rocket?? That’s the Saif Ali Whistle Rocket. Light it up and it shoots up in the air making a shrill ‘Waaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooowwwwwww’ noise.”

“AND WHAT THE HELL THIS!!” I exclaimed picking up a rather funny looking firework with a blonde top and a ribbed frame. “Looks like a Cocker Spaniel with a 6 pack to me”

“Ah!!!” Mangloo replied, “This, Saar, is the Shah Rukh Vibrating Fataka. If you light this one up, it goes on the vibrate mode for around half an hour, shivering all around the floor and even if you burst it in Diwali it still plays the Happy New Year tune and goes off with a  B…. b…. b… blast”

“And this here Saar, is the Salman Sutli Bomb. If you light it as it is, it doesn’t make much noise. But peel off its covering and take off its wrapper and then you see what a blast it will make!!!!”

Picking up a rather sober looking piece I looked enquiringly at Mangloo.

“Oh! that, Saar, is the Perfect Diwali Firework, a state of art, an Ideal Fataka. That’s the Aamir Time Bomb!!! It makes exactly the right amount of noise as prescribed by the Government with carbon emissions as specified and if you try to burst it after 10:00 pm it will not go off but rather gives you a warning sign that somehow sounds like ‘Satyamev Jayate’!!!”

I frowned at Mangloo and asked him if he had any combo fireworks.

“Oh yes, Saar, we have one of those”, he said bringing forth a large Red Box like thing. “This is the Bigg Boss 8 All in One Firework Shots. They have taken all the leftover stale, un-burnt, hardly used, fireworks powder from the previous Diwalis and combined them in this red box. All you have to do is shake it up a bit, you don’t even have to light it up and it will start making ridiculously irritating noise all by itself, so loud that you will finally want it to stop, or go crazy listening to it”.

“So Saar, which of these do you want me to pack for you??”

I pointed out to a rather sexy, voluptuous looking firework in the corner of the shop, “That one!!! That looks nice”

“Brilliant choice, Saar”, Manglooram MBA said, “The Sunny Leone Strip Bomb, Great to look at, and as soon as you light it up it starts grooving and peeling off its wrapper slowly ….. Just make sure your wife doesn’t find out, or she might just light you up”

“Pack a bit of everything”, I grinned.

I walked home with a huge smile on my face, looking forward to having a fun Diwali and leaving behind a very happy Manglooram MBA staring at that Gandhi which he loves seeing the most 🙂

Disclaimer: I apologize for not mentioning the Kamal R Khan FusFus rocket. Apparently that comes in free with anything that you buy. No No, you have to take it with you, its mandatory. Trying to light up the KRK fusfus can be harmful to your health, please read the instructions carefully…… and Have a Happy and Safe Diwali, Everyone 

The post Diwali Special: Bollywood’s Sexy Fatakas appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

It’s funny how the cyclones and hurricanes are named.

I have noticed that most of the naturally disastrous storms in the US, in recent times have been named after pretty women.

Is that because women are considered to be disastrous?? Perhaps, in the US??

But, I wonder how the people want to evacuate when someone tells them, a hot Sandy is coming your way or the sexy ‘ª‎Katrina is right at your doorstep??

Hell, I would probably stay put and wait for her.

In ԻIndia, however, we are rather silly at naming our cyclones. The recent one is being called Hud Hud !!!!

I wonder if it’s named after the words we use to scare a dog away (hud hud kutte hud) or it’s an ode to ‘ªSalman Khan (Hud Hud Dabangg).

In either case it did get me wondering about some better names for these natural disasters.

In fact, since the biggest disasters for our country have been our politicians, naming the storms after them would only be only justified.

Also perhaps the storms would behave in a typical manner if they are named after someone, you know, like get its character traits?

Man Mohan Singh (read – silent)

The ‘ªMMS would be a rather silent storm; it will strike while you are sleeping. You won’t hear it coming and by the time it’s gone you would be in shambles with no clue as to how in the hell all this happened? In some time you will even forget it’s existence.

Cyclone Uddhav

Cyclone ԻUddhav would only target a specific part of the country; you will never encounter it beyond the Western India. It would make loud noises and break a few glasses before subsiding into silence.

Hurricane Raj

Hurricane ‘ª‎Raj will be making a lot of noise. It will actually come up with predictions of taking an entire state with… errr … storm. Blueprints will be shown of mass destruction occurring. But in the end all it will probably end up is like a storm in your tea cup

Deadly RaGa Cylone

The North Western Italian winds might stir up the deadly ‘ª‎RaGa. Now this will be unlike any other storm. Instead of being focused it will be all over the place like wind without any direction. It will hem and it will haw and at the end people will ignore it and get about to doing their regular chores. The best this storm would do is lightly tickling you while you sleep. Whenever someone says RaGa is coming, people will start laughing

Tsunami NaMo

Now the most popular of all these storms will be Tsunami ‘ªNaMo. This will be accompanied by a huge amount of thunder and blinding lightning that will make the entire country (and the world) stand up and take notice. It will keep thundering throughout its appearance and will never let you forget that you have a storm coming up on you. This will usually arrive right after an MMS storm and will be credited for most of the destruction that has been caused by the previous storms. What destruction this storm will cause is yet to be determined, when I asked the MET Dept about it, they told me “Please have patience, this storm doesn’t do anything overnight, you will know what happens when it happens”. The thunder and lightning however will continue to blind.

This one will also be termed as the “Biggest Storm of the Century” before it has uprooted even a single tree

Hurricane Kejriwal

And then there will the Hurricane ‘ª‎Kejriwal. Now this one will be really scary. It will approach the shores of India with tremendous speed. People would be in awe at the amount of momentum it will develop in a short span of time. And then at the last moment, it will quickly turn away and go back into the sea and disappear into oblivion

Disclaimer: The data and storm characteristics have been determined based on reports received from the MET Dept and Anjaan Daruwala, hence are speculative. If any of these storms behave differently blame the sources and not the messenger.

The post What Would Happen If The Hurricanes and Cyclones Are Named After our Politicians! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

In 2013, you needed to be a real Himmatwala to get out to the movie halls.

In 2014, you were busy looking under your bed to see if there were a couple of your ԻHumshakalshiding there.

And while you are still recovering from the shock of these last two years, while your wounds have yet to heal, while your scars are still very much visible … the most devastating news is already in the market.

‘ª‎SajidKhan is making another movie … Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! Bhagooooooo!!!!

‘ª‎UTV has gone ahead and signed Sajid for yet another venture. Damn you, UTV!!!

If reports are to be believed, the movie is going to be a rip off of the huge Korean box office hit “My Girlfriend Is An Agent (2009)”.

The story is … lol gotcha there, didnt I?

Do Sajid Khan Movies have a story?

He can make a perfectly insane movie with no resemblance to anything with a story.

Sajid is right now busy looking to hire a star studded cast.

He has ordered some very very Skimpy Clothes for the auditions, to see which of his forthcoming Heroes will look good in them.

His writers (??) are busy writing a new set of shudder-creating creepy gay jokes, even as they browse through “How to be an Idiot and Get Away with Being Called Funny, for Dummies – Vol III”

Along with the Gay jokes, you can also expect some Cleavage jokes and scenes too.

After all, cleavages are in news these days

His lyricists have also suddenly become busy. They are trying to find the suitable words which can fit a song titled “Voicemail Voicemail”.

There are rumors which say that Tamanna might, once again, be a part of this movie. Apparently Sajid has yet to find someone who can replace her in looking Sexy, Hot and Dumb all at the same time, but you never know.

I don’t think they have yet decided on a name for this upcoming torture technique. But going by the past penchant of Sajid’s love for the letter “H” and his inclination of taking inspiration from anything and anyone stupid, perhaps he might name this movie “Half Agent Half Girlfriend” … what say Chetan Bhagat?

Don’t worry Mr. Bhagat, this gives you an opportunity to go and cry in the media saying that Sajid tried to steal your story and didn’t give you enough credit for it … eh??

The atrocity (no, I refuse to call it a movie) is set to be released in 2015, so that should give you guys enough time to pack your bags and leave the country.

For all those who are already scared, the good news is that ticket bookings with special “Get out of India” packages have already begun with destinations ranging from the Amazon Jungle to the Sahara Desert, where hopefully this movie will not be screened.

Book early to ensure a confirmation!

For all Sajid Khan Fans, who are looking forward to watch this movie, a special 14 seater Tempo Traveler is going to be arranged to take you for the show.

Hopefully you will find enough fans to fill it so that a seat does not go waste.

If you do have some empty seats, just near the Parliament or Assembly and scream out “SEATS AVAILABLE” and some or the other politician will jump in

Disclaimer: This post is in no way supposed to be insulting to Sajid Khan. If Sajid Khan finds it insulting for any reason, I recommend that he watches one of his recent movies to understand what insulting a viewer means!

The post Sajid Khan And His Agent Girlfriend appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

The election campaigns of the various political parties during the forthcoming ‘ª‎MH’¬ state elections are so funny

Firstly we have our ex-CM ‘ª‎Prithviraj Chauhan‘¬ walking around in his garden in crisp clothes saying that his team has been working tirelessly for the betterment of Maharashtra for the last term.

Well nobody is going to buy that, especially when everyone knows what happened in the last ten years.

Then we have the ‎NCP’¬ advertisements where they also have ‘ªSharad Pawar‘¬ saying that they have to stress upon the growth and the development of Maharashtra.

Errrr ….. Excuse me?

Haven’t you realized that a wee bit too late?

What were you doing for the last ten years?? Talofying Bhajiya??

Oh wait, sorry, taking control of the land in the state? Just a wild guess…

The ‎Shiv Sena’¬ campaign predictably revolves around the ‘ªMarathi Manoos’¬, ‘ªShivaji’¬, ‘ªBalasaheb’¬ Thackrey and ‘ªTiger’¬ (not Shroff). They might have thought about going a bit more global actually. I wonder how many people are going to fall for this campaign, but they do have the advantage of NOT being a part of the last government

The ‘ªBJP‘¬ has taken the same route of “Janta Maaf Nahi Karegi” campaign, as they did during the ‘ª‎Lok Sabha’¬. They have common (aam) looking actors cursing the previous government and ridiculing the lack of governance, with some digs taken at peeing in the dams too. The BJP campaign has proved to be successful in the LS elections, so those still remain the best ads till now.

The BJP PR agencies do know what the people want to see. Of course they are also promoting ‘ªModi’¬ as their mascot in the adverts.

Technically, Modi has got nothing to do with these state elections, since he isn’t going to resign as the PM and join the state as its CM, also he is not the party President for BJP. But I guess, such technicalities will be overlooked when bombarded by a very effective albeit spiteful campaign. And having ‘ªDevendra Fadanvis’¬ as the face of the campaign would have boomeranged on them Also, having ‘ªAmit Shah’¬ as the face of the campaign would have been turned into a mockery by the competition.

So, smart marketing once again by BJP.

Of course, the effects of these adverts by all the political parties will be seen in a few days.

The ‘ªAAP campaign is being sorely missed. If anything, the Aam Aadmi Party always added that little bit of crazy to the elections, everywhere they have been. They are like those Special Appearances or Cameos in movies which have everyone howling and hollering in the stands. These cameos don’t really live till the end of the movie or even a part of the end, but they do alter the course of the movie by playing a significant and important part in it.

I can almost imagine ‘ªArvind Kejriwal’¬ in his typical koff koff style trying his level best to expose everyone and everything, right from Dada’s toilet habits, to the Tiger’s black stripes, to the “daags” on Chauhan’s crisp clothes, to the mucky waters which are hidden below the lotus pond And then in turn being himself ridiculed or slapped off the stage.

But, in all honestly, all these adverts are definitely funny and far from the truth which is being displayed in them.

In fact, whenever I see any of these adverts, the first thing that comes to my mind is “Oh Shut Up!!”

Disclaimer:

With the way BJP is using Modi to be the face of the campaign in Maharashtra, I am quite surprised Modi was not made to thunder “Jai Maharashtra” or say a few Marathi words, at the Madison Square just to gain a few brownie points with the voters in Maharashtra 

The post The Mockery of Politics: Battle Ground Maharashtra! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

With the amount of ‘ªPolitics being thrown all around us, there is no doubt that everyone in ‎India is getting involved in it in some sort of a way.

A few years back most of the people who wouldn’t have taken any interest in the regional or national politics, other than perhaps remembering the names of the top politicians are now able to spout out entire history of some of the most obscure politics.

The consciousness has come to such a level that now we have to remind people that …..

When someone tells you to set your alarm clock to wake up …… It does not mean “Wake up and vote ‘ªNCP”

When someone tells you, “Talk to my hand” …… it does not mean you get a direct hotline to talk to ‘ª‎Rahul Gandhi of ‘ªCongress.

When someone tells you, “Rail Engine has derailed near Igatpuri Junction”, you do not directly associate it with the Failure of ‘ªMNS in the Nasik MC.

When someone tells you, “Smell the fresh lotus” you do not immediately respond by saying “Har Har ‘ªModi” or look for the new ‘ª‎BJP campaign.

When someone tells you that he saw an elephant on the streets of Mumbai, you don’t check the papers to see if ‘ªMayawati of the ‘ªSP is in town.

When your Bai asks you for a new broom, you don’t immediately look at her in suspicion as if she is an inside informant for another sting operation of the ‘ªAAP.

When you see a poster of “Save The Tiger” campaign, you do not confuse it with it being a promotional campaign for ‘ªShiv Sena.

Sometimes, something actually means what they are supposed to mean.

But what to do, the political propaganda is such, these days, that everyone is breathing politics.

Why just yesterday my Son came back and told me that his friend got a Mayawati in his maths test, it was only after a few minutes that he was referring to her LS score and that it meant a DUCK!

Disclaimer: Now don’t about trying to look for political hidden references in this post. It’s supposed to mean what it is supposed to mean I am responsible for what I write, not for what you think about what I write

The post India Today: Politics in Our Blood appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Tamilnadu CM ԻJayalalitha has been convicted (oh yes, you heard it right) by the Court for amassing disproportionate assets.

No, this has nothing to do with her disproportionate physical assets or else Amit Shah would have been in trouble too.

We have no laws against that, though perhaps we should

They are talking about the wealth she has amassed.

We have seen that she has been taken into custody.

The TN Jail authorities have sent out requests for additional Cooks and Kitchen Groceries to be stocked.

TN people fear there might be a serious lack of available food now, hence a volatile situation is feared in the state.

China has begun loading containers filled with rice to be shipped to the Chennai port with immediate effect.

It has also been heard that her party leaders are going about asking the people of the state to return the TV sets and other home appliances, which were given to them during elections so that the jail room can be furnished properly.

Disclaimer: This is a satire, though the news is true, the intention of this post is to just get a few laughs out of the readers. Of course everyone is pretty sad about this arrest. No, No, Seriously !!! We are

The post The Woes of Jail-Lalitha appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Having seen so many posts about the troubles of being a non-drinker, I couldnt help but disagree on many of their points.

Personally I love non-drinking friends..

I especially love going to parties with a non-drinking friend, rather than a drinking one.

Here are some of the reasons for that:

1. Non-Drinkers are always the only sober people around at the end of the party and you can rely on them to bring you home.

2. You can drink in the car while being driven around by your non-drinking friend and are assured of reaching home in one piece.

3. Your non-drinking friend usually stops you from making a perfect ass of yourself when you are drunk. And even if you do, you can always get away with “Sorry man, I was drunk” and he understands 😉

4. You never have to offer a drink to your friend. Your drink costs Rs. 300 – 500 and his drink costs Rs. 50 – 100. You can drink his soft-drink, but he can’t drink your scotch. 😛

5. You never feel bad about him drinking more than you do and finishing off the last drop of the last bottle. It’s been YOU, yourself, all the time!!!

6. Whether he enjoys the party or not, you are sure to enjoy the party. If he enjoys it too, hey that’s cool!! If not, he can sit in the corner sipping on his lime juice while you dance like a clown. 😛

7. He is the perfect person you can hand over your phone or other stuff to, which you are bound to lose after you get drunk.

8. And the best part is that if you get into a fight, he is the only one who can land his punches, so having non drinkers on your team makes you win the drunken brawl. And he carries you back when you fall down too. 😛

9. A non drinking friend can be exceptionally helpful when it comes to hitting on girls at a party. If she slaps you, he will always come to your rescue and save you from being kicked in the balls too.

10. When the party ends and the floor is spinning and the earth is rotating faster around its axis than usual, it is your non drinking friend, who always has enough to sense to come out of the place with a bottle of water. He knows you are going to need that water when you spend time on the side of the street, bent over and emptying the contents of your stomach.

Okay so maybe he does eat up your “chakhna” but I think it’s a pretty small price to pay for someone who has all the above qualities. Dont you agree?

Disclaimer: All non-drinking friends of mine who love to party and can drive; please let me know your schedules. The weekend is here already. 😛

The post 10 Benefits Of Going To A Party With A Non-Drinker! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

A leading Indian daily “Times of India” has just come out with a Ground Breaking Discovery.

DEEPIKA PADUKONE has a cleavage!!!

OMG!!!! Isn’t that fascinating?

One would have never come to know about this, had this superior news agency not given this issue such extensive coverage.

So, thanks to this leading NEWS (well supposedly) AGENCY of the nation, “TOI”, we now know one of the greatest secrets ever kept in our country.

The entire nation of India is eternally grateful towards to them for showing this cleavage and telling us that SHE HAS ONE!

I am sure there are many such meaningful and informative news that they can come up with to elevate their overall cleavage …… ooops coverage.

I guess the nation wants some more DEBATABLE SUBJECTS to be covered by TOI. And I am so generous to suggest them too. So I decided to write this OPEN LETTER to them, suggesting these SENSIBLE TOPICS.

Dear TOI,

Here are some of the headlines, which the nationwide readership of TOI, eagerly awaits, please be benevolent and bring us the light on these hidden matters. Nation wants to know that:

1. Tushar Kapoor is not really dumb:
After seeing the various parts of Golmaal and the choice of movies that he makes, we would have actually never guessed this one. TOI must bring a complete story on this.

2. Hritik Roshan has an extra thumb:
WHATTT!!! So it’s an actual finger? It’s not as if a sore thumb? Or a finger extension or something? Oh please, TOI give us the entire details with some sensational pictures of his thumb.

3. Poonam Pandey is never going to strip for the Indian Cricket Team:
Damn it!! And here we were waiting for her to strip since 2011 or so. *sigh* this is going to be a disappointment. TOI, can we have some “cleavage” pictures of her as the consolation?

4. Kamal R Khan is not an alien:
You have got to be kidding me!! Watch him in Deshdrohi (if you dare) and then look at Jaadu in Koi Mil Gaya. Do you see any difference at all? Of course, Jaadu was smarter 😉 And perhaps better looking too: P Any which ways we want TOI’s perspective on this. We abide by THEIR word.

5. Salman Khan waxes his chest:
We could have never guessed that, could we? I mean, how on the earth can we even figure this one out. We have never seen him without a shirt, have we? Please tell us TOI, does he, or does he not!

6. Rakhi Sawant is not a Superstar:
With the amount of time she spends in the media glare, we would have never got this one, by ourselves. We need TOI to rescue us form this dilemma and enlighten us with some REAL INFORMATION.

7. Sonam Kapoor is a female:
Well okay, this one is a wee bit below the belt, but seriously?? 😛 Thank you so much in advance TOI if at all you can bring us a Xerox of her birth certificate, confirming the same, or a SHOCKING IMAGE of her…

After all since we started with speaking about cleavage, the last one was just made to close the topic 😉 If you start with cleavage and you end up with…….. yeah, you guessed it right!

I am sure with such absolutely delightfully informative news being covered by TOI, they will continue to remain as the top daily of India. They might even get some Hindi (and other regional language) readership now. After all, who doesn’t like to see cleavage in their morning papers? 🙂

Btw, if you are wondering, why I haven’t mentioned anything about Sunny Leone in this …..

Come on!!

Is there anything, at all, about Sunny Leone that TOI can make a sensational news about?

Done it all, seen it all, cleavage or no cleavage: P

Disclaimer: Personally, I would like to see a CT scan of the Editor of TOI to confirm that…… HE HAS BRAINS!! What??? Really??? 😉

The post An Open Letter to Times Of India: Cleavage Coverage Only? Give Us More Please! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Of all the crappy Bollywood movies I have watched over the years, there are a few gems which I found lying in the mass of rubbish.

All of these are low budget, rather unheard of movies.

I never found out when they released and when they came on the screens, if at all they did.

The actors are little known but have managed to pull on a startlingly good performance.

But more than anything else, these movies manage to touch a chord somewhere in my heart.

I thought, I would compile a list of such movies for those friends of mine, who like to watch something else than the regular commercial movies.

ԻManjunath (2014):

Based on the true story of IIM student Manjunath Shanmugham who was shot dead by the Petrol Pump Mafia.Ի

Miss Lovely (2014):

This movie deals with the underbelly of the Bollywood B Grade film industry. Look out for Nawazuddin’s super performance, as usual.

ԻLakshmi (2014):

It’s a Nagesh Kukunoor movie. Tackles with the subject of child prostitution!

Bandook (2013):

The rise of Bhola Kevat, apparently another true story based in the heartlands of UP

BA Pass (2013):

Though most people would know this movie for its hot scenes, it also exposes some of the dirty little secrets of the high society. Also the way the life story of the hero was dealt with was very touching.Ի

Chalo Dilli (2011):

A very light hearted tale with a twist in the end. It’s got Vinay Pathak in it, which makes it a super watch.

Udaan (2010):

Udaan is a story of a 16 yr old boy and his abusive father. Fantastic performances and a great story!

I Am (2010): Four stories with some brilliant performances. If you find it, do watch it

Mirch  (2010):

Now this one offbeat story which I loved watching. Thank God I don’t go by the box-office collections for a movie.

Gulaal (2009):

This is one of the more popular movies of the lot. However, I have included this one in the list solely for the way it has been shot. Based on college politics and local Mafioso!

‘ªDil Dosti Etc (2007):

I just love college based movies. Though this one was promoted a bit coz it had Naseer’s son in it. It still remained unseen by many because it didn’t stay in theaters much.

Of course this list is not exhaustive. I have tried to keep it to the recent years. Of course if I go beyond 2007 the list would be endless. But then again most of the oldies are pretty popular already.

Oh yes and I haven’t watched all the movies in the world. So if someone remembers a movie which he/she has liked and is not in this list, please let me know.

Some movies, albeit off-beat have not been included since they have big names associated with them

Disclaimer: Yes I have these movies with me! NO I will not give them to you! Go buy your own copies!

The post Diamonds In The Rough – Hidden Magic of Hindi Cinema! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Yesterday I went over to the corner of our society which has the milk-stand run by a youngish ‘ª‎Doodhwali

Obviously, I was out of milk and wanted to pick up a couple of packets.

Looking at me the Lady, turned her gaze away and ignored me. I kept asking her for milk and she kept ignoring me.

Finally when I almost screamed out my plea, she looked at me very calmly and said:- “Bhaiya, I don’t want to convert, take your ‘ªLove Jihad and go elsewhere”

It took me about half an hour to convince her that all I wanted was a packet of milk. That I had my beard grown out because I was too lazy to shave, and that I was wearing a green T shirt coz I couldn’t find anything else in haste. And that I didn’t intend to fool her into falling in love with me and get her married to me and then change her religion.

She relented and gave me the milk packets with a big lecture about how people shouldn’t use underhand tactics to convert people from one religion to another………..

All this for a packet of milk!!!!

I came back, a few bucks lighter and a few pearls of wisdom heavier.

A lesson well learnt.

Stick to your own communities and do not venture out to talk to, converse with, fall in love with, or (God Forbid) get married to, anyone outside your own religion/caste/community.

It did get me thinking about the people who can actually come up with such concepts of Love Jihad, though. These must be some very over-fertile minds with little else going on in their lives. Or perhaps they are reading too much of Robert Ludlum and dreaming of conspiracy theories all around them?

Would people be actually falling in love with others, and getting married to people, with the sole intention of getting them to change their religion? Only so that their own “Kaum” grows?

Is that possible?

Wonder what happened to getting married because you love a person and want to spend the rest of your life with him/her?

I guess that’s not why marriages take place

Imagine all this going on in my mind, only because of a simple Doodhwali!

Disclaimer: All you people, who are still giggling at this word, please stop watching B grade ԻBhojpuri films

The post Love Jihad: How The Confession Of A Doodhwaali Made Me Think About It! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.