Diwali Bollywood sexy fatakas – Like every Diwali, this Diwali too, brings in a variety of Fireworks. This time they have shaped them after the Sexy Bollywood stars !!!!
Since, Diwali is right around the corner, as is almost a custom; I went to the Manglooram MBA’s Fireworks Shop to purchase my regular stock of fireworks.
Mangloo, unlike MunnaBhai MBBS is an actual MBA, speaks excellent English and is very presentable. The only Gandhi, Mangloo likes to see, however, is the one which comes on the Rs. 1000 notes.
He saw me approaching and gave me a big grin beckoning me to enter his shop.
“So Mangloo got any new stuff this time?” I smiled back at him.
Grinning from ear to ear, Manglooram took me to the back of the shop where a wide array of fireworks was kept in for display. “These, Saar, are the latest of the fireworks, they are called the Celebrity Fireworks”, he started, picking up a shocking green color tube.
“This is the Rakhi Sawant Lavangi Fataka, I know it doesn’t look like much, Saar, and most of the times it doesn’t make much noise either. But gather a few people around it, give it a kiss on its cap and train few cameras on it and watch the amount of noise it makes”
“And this, Saar, is the Hritik Roshan BhuiChakkar, just light it up and it will dance all around the floor so quick that it will be hard to track. The only problem is that it goes ‘poof’ fast and sometimes goes out with a Bang Bang”
He then picked up a rather slender looking piece from the middle of the rack.
“This, Saar, is the Deepika Fulbaaji, all you have to do is angle it to around 30 deg so that its cleavage is exposed and then it keeps on making nonstop noise for a record breaking time”
“And here we have the Sajid Khan Fuski Bomb, they keep trying to sell it every year, I wonder why, it never takes off.”, he said discarding it into the rubbish bin.
He then dragged me to another part of his shop and picked up a rather cute looking Anaar (POT). “And may I present you the Shiney Ahuja Pot. This one is the safest POT and gives out a rather good looking array of lights, the only problem is that it needs to be kept away from women, or it bursts into flames”.
“And here, Saar, is the Bipasha Late Night Bomb. You don’t get this piece much these days, and it only goes off after its dark. Makes weird kind of noises and scares the hell out of little children, but can be fun for those with a strong heart”
Then, Manglooram, in his excitement dragged me to a separate section. “This, Saar, is the Superstar Section, also known as the, ‘Khan’ Ke Neeche Awaaz Section”
“You see this nutty looking rocket?? That’s the Saif Ali Whistle Rocket. Light it up and it shoots up in the air making a shrill ‘Waaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooowwwwwww’ noise.”
“AND WHAT THE HELL THIS!!” I exclaimed picking up a rather funny looking firework with a blonde top and a ribbed frame. “Looks like a Cocker Spaniel with a 6 pack to me”
“Ah!!!” Mangloo replied, “This, Saar, is the Shah Rukh Vibrating Fataka. If you light this one up, it goes on the vibrate mode for around half an hour, shivering all around the floor and even if you burst it in Diwali it still plays the Happy New Year tune and goes off with a B…. b…. b… blast”
“And this here Saar, is the Salman Sutli Bomb. If you light it as it is, it doesn’t make much noise. But peel off its covering and take off its wrapper and then you see what a blast it will make!!!!”
Picking up a rather sober looking piece I looked enquiringly at Mangloo.
“Oh! that, Saar, is the Perfect Diwali Firework, a state of art, an Ideal Fataka. That’s the Aamir Time Bomb!!! It makes exactly the right amount of noise as prescribed by the Government with carbon emissions as specified and if you try to burst it after 10:00 pm it will not go off but rather gives you a warning sign that somehow sounds like ‘Satyamev Jayate’!!!”
I frowned at Mangloo and asked him if he had any combo fireworks.
“Oh yes, Saar, we have one of those”, he said bringing forth a large Red Box like thing. “This is the Bigg Boss 8 All in One Firework Shots. They have taken all the leftover stale, un-burnt, hardly used, fireworks powder from the previous Diwalis and combined them in this red box. All you have to do is shake it up a bit, you don’t even have to light it up and it will start making ridiculously irritating noise all by itself, so loud that you will finally want it to stop, or go crazy listening to it”.
“So Saar, which of these do you want me to pack for you??”
I pointed out to a rather sexy, voluptuous looking firework in the corner of the shop, “That one!!! That looks nice”
“Brilliant choice, Saar”, Manglooram MBA said, “The Sunny Leone Strip Bomb, Great to look at, and as soon as you light it up it starts grooving and peeling off its wrapper slowly ….. Just make sure your wife doesn’t find out, or she might just light you up”
“Pack a bit of everything”, I grinned.
I walked home with a huge smile on my face, looking forward to having a fun Diwali and leaving behind a very happy Manglooram MBA staring at that Gandhi which he loves seeing the most 🙂
Disclaimer: I apologize for not mentioning the Kamal R Khan FusFus rocket. Apparently that comes in free with anything that you buy. No No, you have to take it with you, its mandatory. Trying to light up the KRK fusfus can be harmful to your health, please read the instructions carefully…… and Have a Happy and Safe Diwali, Everyone