This open letter is from all girls to their loving boyfriends and not-so-loving ones too.

I urge all the men who have beautiful women in their lives, to read this.

My Darling Boyfriend,

When we met, it was a start to a beautiful life, stars in eyes and dreams at night. I fell in love with you, the complete you, because I know that I need you forever. And I surely want to be the girl who makes your days better, and the one who makes you say “My life has changed since I met her”.

I want you to need me always, need me for these good reasons, just like the Sun needs Sun Rays:

1. To Cheer Away All Your Blues – You Need Me

When you feel the day is too hard and tough is the ride, I’d stand by you like a pillar and make you stride. I’ll make you remember the dreams you painted with wide open eyes, I shall inspire you to catch them before you even realize.

The post Dear Boyfriend! Let Me Give You 6 Good Reasons That You Need Me – Sincerely, The Girl In Your Life! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Being in a relationship is a beautiful experience of life.

Yet, it can be a daunting one if you are with a toxic partner. Which means, your partner is giving you tough times, and you are tolerating the absurd behaviour, for the sake of the relationship. We understand that when you are in love and you want to make it work. You tend to gloss the bad bits in the hope that things will work out later.

We suggest, do not do that ever!

You must respect yourself before you respect or want anyone or anything else, and tolerating bad behaviours, even if they are coming from your love partner, should never be a choice in that case.

While a little compromise is okay if it helps to keep the love and bonding going, there are 10 ugly things you must never tolerate in a relationship.

Here is our list : Never Tolerate These 10 Things In A Relationship :

1. Physical and Verbal Abuse:

Many in relationships and in vulnerable situations,  put up with emotional, physical and verbal abuse for the sake of being into it, sometimes without even realising it. Yes, it is true that many partners do not even come to know that they are being abused emotionally. If you are constantly put down, or made to feel inadequate, or incompetent, maybe you need to walk out of the relationship, making a choice to respect self.

The post Never Tolerate These 10 Things In A Relationship! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Now there are hundreds of rule books out there which tell you how to impress a girl but none of them tell you what simple things that may be completely unrelated to her but still go a long way in impressing her.

Small habits, moral values or just lifestyle changes that are for your own good but at the same time can automatically impress that girl next door.

So what are you waiting for, go checkout this list of small things that go a long way in impressing a women. 

1.  Animal Friendly

Now this quality is something that comes naturally to people but it is very important because it just shows how kind hearted you are and how much you care!

The post 12 Indirect Ways To Impress A Girl For Sure! Without Spending A Single Penny!! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Best Relationship Advice – What was the best relationship advice that you ever heard in your life? Well, if you haven’t heard any, then don’t worry at all, cause’ today you’ll read not one but many relationship advice’s and trust me; they all make complete sense.

Redditors shared the best relationship advice they ever heard in their life and I swear, when I first read ‘em, I was completely impressed. Trust me; these advice’s will completely make you give a thought about every relationship that you’ve been in. One thing I learned is that no relationship is perfect and to maintain it, all it requires is to keep working on it as long as you’re breathing.

Today, take some time to read ‘em with understanding, and if possible, try to follow ‘em in your life and enjoy a long-lasting plus blissful relationship.

Are you ready? So, here are the best relationship advice’s, according to the Redditors. Guys and Girls, share these with your partner and try to make your relationship long-lasting with imperfections too.

1. “You’re on the same team, be together like you want each other to win”

2. “Don’t stopping dating after getting married” 

3. Never emotionally invest in someone who you feel does not reciprocate.

4. “Keep the fights clean and sex dirty” 

5. You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

6. “If you’re going to marry someone and years from now you will wake up and they will be a different person. You have to love that person too.”

7. Suppose you’re eating a cake, and it’s the best tasting cake you’ve ever had. People tell you that the cake is really gross; do you stop eating it? NO. You keep eating it because it’s the best tasting cake you’ve ever had….Same goes for relationships. Don’t let other people’s opinions ruin what you have. If you like it then enjoy it.

8. “You should always treat your marriage like a house. What do you do when there’s a leak in the roof? Fix the leak or tear down the house?

9. Never go to the bed mad at each other – 13 years later I still follow this advice.

10. It’s your relationship, not the worlds. Keep everything between the two of you.

11. If you focus on “winning” an argument, both of you lose.

12. “Don’t forget YOURSELF”

 According to you, which is the best relationship advice? And, for all those you received an advice in their life, share it with us. 

The post This List Of “Best Relationship Advice” Will Help You Understand The Secret of “Happily Ever After”! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Love, romance and relationships seem to have taken a different digression altogether, with the technology storming our lives, in every possible corner.

Thus, filming private moments is one of the frenzies that we witness everyday, in this rapidly pacing digital world.

Today’s exceptionally advanced smart phones put a video camera and audio recorder in every pocket, allowing people to capture anything and everything no matter how inappropriately the truth is obtained on the recording and how gross it can affect the lives, especially if it’s a girl’s recording or images in the question. 

If you are a girl in a relationship and your partner often coaxes you to tape your private moments, you need to know these 8 things very clearly. 

1. Making such sex video at first place, is a huge signal that your beau is not emotionally into you. Or else he would never put your safety and security on the question, by putting your explicit images on a digitally unsafe space, which travels at an alarming speed without you or him even knowing it. Smartphone apps that we use these days, give a lot of access to anything and everything available on our phone, without our knowledge.

2. Your “going all fine and full of love” relationship with your boyfriend is not at all the guarantee that the video or photographs will remain between both of you. One fight or a rift over some negligible issue and you are screwed forever, when he decides to circulate the same in an angry moment.

3. Filming private moments is a serious breach of privacy and your BF is outright DUMB to ‘think’ that it wouldn’t matter that much! It can call legal complications, and utterly serious ones here!

4. Even if the video is made with your consent, and your boyfriend has taken an oath never to make it public, you both can face deep confrontations from your parents if your antics are found by a friend and declared to your parents. The most horrendous situation is when the phone is stolen or you lose it somewhere! Just imagine the consequences then! I can’t even start to imagine!

5. Showing private moment photos to “close friends” can be cute for a while, but it’s sheer stupidity in a long run, simply because you are never sure of your friendships and their expiry dates. It’s really one thing to talk about your relationship with a friend, but quite another to show graphic intimate moments to a pal.

6. Social media networks provide immediate, global and eternal exposure to the sound bytes and 6-second video clips of the best “at-their-worst” situations that are totally not ready for public consumption. And anyone can post anything, without ever having taken any ethics courses. Your boyfriend may be one of those non-ethical people in his fun moments.

7. Every day a shocking number of around 40,000 private sex clips are uploaded on the porn sites, which of course do not come with girl’s happy consent slip. Any girl with a sane mind would never want her sex clip to be uploaded for people to masturbate on it. These, most definitely, are the clips, recorded for private love making sessions which girls naively say yes to, in order to please their boyfriends. And the clever boyfriends sell them to porn sites, making extra some moolah, as a bonus to bedroom moments with girlfriend.

8. Private moments of love and intimacy are to be recorded in your head, and never on your cameras or phones, if at all you want them to be with you in the moments of remembrance. And you must tell this to your boyfriend too. 

Now that we have established that intimate moments are NEVER to be recorded, let’s work on the ones already recorded and must be deleted immediately. 

• Delete such videos and photos from your phone and your boyfriend’s phone immediately.

• If he refuses to delete, you may warn him of the potential threat he is posing to the relationship with you. You would never want to be in any relation with a man who doesn’t respect your privacy and security.

• Make sure he has not made any copies before deleting the videos or images in front of you.

• If at all you are dealing with the one who is clever, handle him cleverly. Maybe you can tell him that the current one doesn’t really look that good. Lure him into giving another opportunity of making another sexier video, if he deletes the present one.

It’s your life, and definitely your responsibility to keep it away from all the filth it may cause, being sucked in the ever growing demands of digitised love and relationships! 

Better be safe than sorry forever!

The post Know These 8 Things Before You Allow Your Boyfriend To Tape Your Private Moments! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

You cannot be a girl in a relationship and not have boyfriend problems!

There is something with this present day boyfriend lot that you just cannot correct! They are incorrigible, simply!

And the big trouble with most of them is that they never cease being “boys”.

As men refuse to grow up and we girls have to live with them, these boyfriend problems are inevitable. And hence the accusing the boyfriends goes on!

I have a neat list of 7 top most accusations that my boyfriend takes from me every other day: 

1.  He is not serious about me:

Every time I have this groupie get-together, or a friends movie night out, I see him blatantly flirting with my girlfriends! What the heck? If at all he is serious about me, he wouldn’t hit on my friends, that too so idiotically in front of me?? Am I not sufficient for him?

2.  He Avoids Real Issues:

He doesn’t really want to think too much about his or my personal lives. He will do all the brain work for other things, other stupid things like, who is going to win the next football season and stuff like that, but, real life??? WHOA, what is that??

3.  He Is Utterly Irresponsible:

He has just never taken any real responsibility. It’s me who is responsible, even about the things that matter to him. He will always forget my mum’s birthday and even mine. And guess what, the worst, he turned at my boss’s farewell party in his torn jeans, just because he forgot to get his trousers washed!! Like what?

4.  He Spends Too Much Time With His Friends:

No matter, I am sitting alone waiting for his phone call, or just wanting to talk to him over a pressing issue in the family, he is always busy with his friends, either over a jamming session, or a drinks night! I have given up all my friends for him, but he never understands any damn thing! It’s always about his freedom! As if my freedom doesn’t mean anything.

5.  He Doesn’t Want To Get Married:

He has this huge commitment phobia and I guess it is the most common relationship problem with all of us, right? Some men are boys even when they are 40; and he is just one of them. Don’t know when will he understand!

6.  He Has No Emotions:

Absolutely not! I have never seen him getting upset when something goes wrong with me! The other day my pup’s foot got stuck in a hole and I was crying like hell. He didn’t even blink his eye! He never does that! Even if it was me whose foot got stuck or broken! He is so insensitive and so emotionless!

7.  He doesn’t like to buy me presents:

Yeah right! I have seen my girl clan’s closets full of presents from their boyfriends, but mine? He just wouldn’t spend a penny to buy me a nice branded bag! He has all the money for his DVDs and stupid car stuff. But for me, never!!

So girls, these are mine! I always accuse my boyfriend of these, on his face! Do you share any of these boyfriend problems with me?

Do you accuse yours, of any other?

Do share below!

The post I Have Accused My Boyfriend of These 7 Things! Have You? appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

A key element to a happier life is being with by a supportive and encouraging partner.

Sometimes, though, we can mistake encouraging people with manipulators and it can be hard to tell the difference.

You may have a feeling that you are with a manipulating girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife, and they are constantly demanding!

It’s rare to find people, even if it is about your life partner, who will invest time and energy into something that doesn’t have the potential for some personal gain. Just like in business, we calculate the ROI (return on investment) for our relationships, maybe not in such a black and white way, but it happens.

A manipulative partner would know how to get what they need with little effort from themselves, but at great cost to the other. They find ways to work around the system (or you) for their benefit, so even though your ROI is low, you still take the time to invest in the relationship.

Manipulating partners spend a lot of time and energy creating an environment where they can control the outcome, so their needs are constantly met by their significant half. The biggest problem of a manipulative relationship is we often don’t even know it’s happening, and we allow it to continue.

1. Hence, the first step is to Identify the Problem

The first sign to identify a problem is having an encounter with a situation and not feeling quite right about it and therefore questioning the outcome. If you have questions and doubts around something you promised or agreed to your spouse or partner, it might be time to start questioning the motives behind their request.

Here are some characteristics of manipulating partners:

• Their needs take precedence over yours.
• They expect you always to be available on a moment’s notice.
• They are often in a crisis that requires immediate action.

Another key indicator of a manipulative relationship is when a close friend of yours starts to notice the imbalance of the give and take with your partner. For instance, a family friend or a common friend comes up to you and tells you that you are always doing things for your partner, but they are not contributing to that level. Pay attention to the people around you and their opinions. It is often easier to see things from someone else’s point of view.

2.  Second step is to Ask Questions

Part of a manipulative relationship is the never-ending demands that are put upon you. They are usually phrased in such a way that you should feel privileged at the opportunity of doing things.

Like “You are so lucky that you have someone to take out for lunch today” or “I know you would be happy to buy me my favourite perfume”.

Because a manipulator thrives on control, it is helpful to take away some of that control by putting the focus back on them by asking questions. The right kind of questions can help make them aware of the one-sided value to the request and can signal that you are aware of their behaviour.

For example:

I see how this helps you. Can you help me understand how this benefits me?

Do I have a say in how this goes forward?

Does this seem like a reasonable request to you?

Does it seem fair to you that you are asking me to do …?

When you ask probing questions, you are shining a light on the true nature of their request. If there is any self-awareness, then they will usually see the situation for what it is and change the request or withdraw it altogether.

3.  Third step is to Say “No” and Stand Firm

You can only control your actions. That is important because you will not be able to change the behaviour of a born manipulative person, but you can stop being their victim. That happens when you start saying “no.”

We are manipulated because we allow it and refusing to be manipulated is the first step in breaking the cycle. Manipulators are good at what they do, so pay attention to their response. They are likely to say or do things that pull at the heart strings. We should stand firm in our “no,” knowing that we are taking the first step towards freeing ourselves from their influence.

4.  Fourth step is to Use Time to Your Advantage

Manipulative partners are good at what they do and will have all sorts of responses to your objections. They also know their best opportunity to get us on board with their scheme is to get us to agree immediately. Just like some weak moments in bed, or over a delicious meal.

Instead of committing to the request, you should start using time to your advantage.

“Let me get back to you.”, should be your usual answer.

That one statement puts the power of the situation back in your court. It gives you the ability to really assess the situation and allows you to find a reasonable and respectful way to decline if that is what you want to do.

Well, all said and done, we in a relationship for all sorts of reasons, but we should only stay in it if it is serving both the ends equally. So, while your partner may need more attention and help from you because of one reason or the other, a healthy relationship must honour the needs of both involved.

Needless to say, a manipulating partner doesn’t buy this philosophy.

Remember, it is okay to create boundaries and say “no” for your well-being.

After all, we are better prepared to help others or to save the relationship when we put ourselves first.

The post 4 Steps To Give It Back If You Are With A Manipulative Partner! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

For those who are brave enough and choose to stay loyal friends with their ex, it is a tough job to keep away the tension and jealousy (especially if the ex has a new partner), but there are bold people in this world who take the unconventional step and maintain a healthy relationship as friends with their ex.

 “We broke up with each other recently, but we’re still very good friends.”

You may have heard some of your friends say this. It is admirable that their relation as friends still works in order to maintain that closeness even after blurring out the endearing love.

• For most people, breakups are painful and lesson-giving. For others, it is an understanding that this won’t work out, let’s be great friends instead!
• If you too share the same ideology or are going through a breakup, maybe these tips will help you cope with that breakup better and still maintain a close-knit circle with your beloved (ex-beloved).

Here are some ways in which you can still maintain a platonic relationship relationship and be a best friend to your ex with an ex without making it sour:

1.  Come to terms ASAP with the end of the relationship

• After constant in-fighting, it is a given that it will not work out as lovers between you two. Heck! Forget it, embrace him/her as a friend!
• Being pseudo-friends helps in coping up with the need to ‘move on’. Take some time out and distance yourself, but maintain contact. Do not hurl abuses or threaten, it will hurt you even more.
• Once you can clearly see past all the hurt and disappointment, swear to yourself that this will only be a friendship from now on. See how happy you will be then!

2.  Be Prepared For A Relationship That Will Not Feel The Same Way Again.

• Do not try to make deep, meaningful conversations about love anymore.
• The physical attraction will need to be cut down.
• Cherish the memories and just maintain familiarity with the person.
• Smile rather than frown in their presence.

3.  Respect His / Her Personal Space, Life’s Decisions And Their Newfound Freedom

• You are no longer his/her lover, so do not dictate or dissuade them from doing something. Simply advise and curtail any feelings of love. Doesn’t matter who got dumped by who, be friends now. Isn’t better than missing them and brooding over their memories?
• If they take a decision to do something, let them. Their newfound freedom is none of your business anymore since their life’s decisions do not need your consent anymore.

4.  Don’t Be Clingy

• If you find out that he/she have a new partner or that he/she is flirting with someone, smile and move on. There must be a strong reason you broke up isn’t it?
• So, if you find them going wild or posting ‘happy’ selfies with a person other than you, accept that making any kind of desperate attempt to salvage the relationship will make things sour.
• If you know that this person belongs to you for eternity (mushy mumbo jumbo), then wait for the right time rather than turning into a stalker!

5.  Do Not Expect Any Physical Intimacy!

• No kisses, no hugs, no sex! NO! Do not, try to take back what used to happen in the past! Pity sex is the worst kind!
• If you get back together as lovers and breakup again, all hell will break loose! Friendship? Even seeing each other eye-to-eye will become a nightmare!

Do not spend any effort in trying to get back a person as a lover who doesn’t love you like you love them. Have self-respect and maintain your dignity. There is someone out there who is rightfully yours. This person is certainly not that! Keep them as a friend and be happy! After all singularity is always better than falling into the ‘wrong’ kind of love. A love that makes you loath yourself for initiating the relationship or giving in your all into it.

Friendship is best, if you can handle it. Let us know in the comments section if you are friends with your ex. Let us know what kind of a daredevil you are! LOL!

The post 5 Ways You Can Be The Best Friend To Your Ex, And Make It Beautiful Bond Without Calling In Ugliness! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

Sometimes, you just know it without any evidence in front of you.

You don’t know how, but you feel it in your gut, and something tells you that your partner is cheating on you. And when you try confronting your lover, they swat your concerns away and tell you that you’re just over analysing everything.

This has happened to you, right?

There are times when you are convinced that your partner, girlfriend or boyfriend is cheating on you, even though you can’t find any proof of it?

The fact that you doubt your partner is a sign that things aren’t all rosy in romance land. And you need to know the truth, as to what is going on!

Here are a few out of the box ideas to get to the core of your Cheating Lover without letting them have a hint of what you are up to!

1. Drop By Unannounced

Every now and then, drop by unannounced to their workplace or come back home early. Don’t make it obvious that you’re just spying on them. Instead, always have a great excuse to walk in unannounced. If your partner is cheating on you, the first thing they’d do (instead of welcoming you with a smile) is, hide something or appear surprised or even angry, or get too nervous!

2. Check The Recycle Bin On Their Computer

The garbage is a great place to dispose of things. And sometimes, it also has a lot of clues. If your partner is on the computer often, check the computer’s recycle bin often. Chances are, there may be another person’s photo or a little snippet of information that could be of some use.

3. Ask To Use Their Cellphone for An Emergency Call And Walk to Nearby Loo While On The Call

Does your partner carry their cell phone with them wherever they go, even if it’s a trip to the loo? If that’s happening in your relationship, there’s a good chance your partner’s up to something. Take a peek into their cell phone (use the trick to get your hands on their cellphone, if they don’t allow you to touch it quite often). Erased phone logs, a password protected phone, several calls to the same unknown numbers, are all good signs that your partner is trying to hide something. You can scan their phone while in the loo. They would of course be very angry when you come out, and for the obvious reasons.

4. Catch Them Off the Track For A Spontaneous Sex Session

This works better if you’re a girl, and dating a guy. If your boyfriend or husband comes home late from any unexpected delay, try to have spontaneous sex with them when they get back home. If your guy gets angry, pushes you away or tries avoiding it at all costs, chances are, he may be exhausted down there. He could always wash himself up before getting home, but getting it up immediately and blowing a huge load, that’s not the easiest thing to do!

5. Follow Them After A Fight

Most cheating partners intentionally try to pick fights, slam the door and walk away, because it makes a great excuse to slip out of the house and meet their adulterous lover. If your partner’s been picking fights and walking out of the house often recently, try to follow them on the pretense of apologizing (if they see you following them)

6. Change Your Sleeping Habits

If your partner’s cheating on you, their sleeping habits may change almost overnight. They may stay up longer using the excuse of work, or you may catch them sneaking around the house late at night. Pretend like you’re asleep as soon as you hit the bed, and try to see if your partner’s up to something. And it’s not just late nights you need to think about. Some cheating partners may even wake up really early and get on the phone, especially if they realize you suspect them.

7. Hidden Camera In Your Bedroom

Place a hidden camera in the bedroom or the room where your partner hangs out most often when they want alone time. If they’re over the phone or doing some funny business behind your back, you’ll know soon enough.

8. Create Fake Social Media Profiles

Just create a fake Facebook profile and add a lot of random friends to make your account seem legitimate. And then, send an invite to your partner and get friendly with them. And over a few days or weeks, start flirting with them and see how they respond to you. Are they interested in meeting up or hooking up? If yes, then you know what to do!

9. Softwares Are A Boon of Technology

There are many software in the market which can record whatever you want, the passwords they use, the letters they type, the pages they visit, or even record a video of the screen as they use the computer. You can also download a few paid apps over your phone and install a secret app in your partner’s phone to keep track of their calls too.

10. GPS Device – Another Magic That Technology Offered

Are you the one who wants to catch your partner red handed? Then the stalker mode may work for you! Pick up a tiny GPS device that can be fixed to the underside of your partner’s car. You can track their movements and pounce on them when their pants are around their ankles in a dark corner somewhere!

If you feel insecure in a relationship, always talk to your partner and tell them what you feel. Sometimes, it may just be a silly misunderstanding. And communication always helps sort things out, even if one of you is on the verge of moving out.

But, if your doubts don’t get erased even after the conversation, then perhaps, the only way to get the real answers is by snooping around and looking for clues when your partner is too busy doing their own thing, catch them off guard and nail them with their misdeeds!

The post We Tell You 10 Out Of The Box Ways To Nail Your Cheating Lover! appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

So guys!

You tell your friends everything about your relationship?

You share the Bedroom Secrets with your closest ones! Smallest to the extent of colours of heaven last  time you visited it? Do you?

How often do you talk about sex with your pals?

Do you discuss the favourite positions and pleasure points of the players involved?

Do you rate your sexual escapades with your partner, in front of your friends?

If your answers are yes to all, then I would say, enjoy mate, you sure love your friends way too much!

But you know what they say . . . love them all but trust none!

No matter how close you are to a friend, it’s a bad idea to share all the details of your relationship with your partner.

For a woman, telling the girls about the man’s footlong, or how he takes his time during foreplay is a bad idea.

For a man, sizing up your girlfriend’s cups to boast in front of your dude mates is a foul play!

Guess what? Your friends will want to have a taste of the pleasures you experience with your partner, and where does this lead?

Every woman wishes for a man who takes his time between the sheets. No woman wants a one-minute man who will rush, come quickly and leave her high and dry. Every man wants a girl who has something worth his time between the sheets!

So when you are painting a super luscious picture of the meal you are having, you are inviting them over for dinner too – a dinner that you won’t be attending!

And yes, we are not bringing the commitment issues in the picture here! That is a different subject all together and we are saving it for some other time!

Another scenario could be, if at all, you are NOT satisfied in bed with your partner, and you keep cribbing about it to your friends, it may come across, as if you are fishing for sympathy and sex as the consolation! Are you?

Also, it absolutely, totally disrespectful of your partner if you dish them out to your friends in your casual conversations! Would you feel good if they talk about your sizes and favourite positions so openly in a group, or to anybody for that matter?

If your partner doesn’t like you doing it, and finds out from a friend that you are actually messing it up, just imagine, what disaster your relationship would land in!

Now, it’s absolutely your call how you show and how much you show!

Your love life and Bedroom Secrets are the precious possessions of your relationship meant for you both!

It’s not a free show for all to get some nasty entertainment out of it!

Keep it like that!

The post Is It Ok To Share Your Bedroom Secrets With Your Friends? appeared first on Youngisthan.in.

When you’re 80 years old and facing the end of your long life, a life, hopefully well-lived, what can be the biggest factor that would decide whether you had a flourishing life or not?

Is it money?

Is it a good body?

Is it your corporate status?

Is it a big house?

Not really, right?

The probability of a happy life can be boiled down to this: the quality of your relationships!

With so much at stake regarding relationships, it’s worth considering a few common ways we ourselves hijack the very thing we need the most.  This is more important for people who identify themselves as relationship failures, but fail to identify the reasons. Be it the relationship with a spouse, a lover, with friends, with coworkers or with their domestic help for that matter! When you start to fail as a person involved in those associations, you need to know and acknowledge the reasons those are working behind it.

Here are the major factors that work behind the scenes and push us towards disaster while we are in different relationships. They all lie with us only. No outer force is working to bring failure to us. And the bright side is, we can work on them and correct them, if at all we need to flip the sides.

You Think Your Happiness Is Dependent on Someone Else (Wrong Expectations)

We often think that if we can change another person’s response to us or how they relate to us, then we will be happier or more fulfilled. We say, “If you will change your behaviour or condition, then as I observe it, I will feel better.” In other words, we give others the responsibility for how we feel. You are only responsible for you. The road to better relationships always starts with you. Rather than attempt to control another person, work on becoming a better version of yourself. Healthier relationships will then come to you as a result.  You either don’t know or don’t accept who you really are and look for external validation.

When We Are Unhappy With Ourselves, We Look To Others To Fill In The Gaps Of Insecurities (Low Self Esteem)

When I was 20, I craved people telling me how smart I was. I needed people to respect me and find me interesting. Popularity was a measure of worth, even if fabricated, that I could use to validate what I needed to believe about myself. With a very shaky sense of who I really was, I would grab on to any low-hanging fruit that would give me a semblance of an identity. For a 20-year-old launching out of adolescence, this is completely normal. But unfortunately, some of us never outgrow this need for validation. We spend decades looking for others to tell us who we are or what we’re good at. We did it at 13. We still do it at 30 and continue the same at 40. With social media norms flooding our senses, VALIDATION is the call of the day!

Instead of spending time figuring out who we are, our preferences, interests and hard-wired personality, we mould ourselves into a distorted version of who we truly are. We change ourselves because we think that our chances for love and acceptance will be greater, if we become what people want us to become.

We Judge: Ourselves and Others  (Conflicts of Personalities)

Be you. Be powerful and opinionated about the ideas you’re passionate about. Be vulnerable with people you trust. Express emotions. Be lighthearted and naive, ask questions about topics you don’t understand. And don’t apologize for your values. They are your guides.

But, don’t judge self and others!

You judge yourself, which leads to hyper-judgment toward others. What you judge most harshly in others is what you judge most harshly in yourself.

Who do you criticize? Your husband? Boss? Mother?

What behaviour do you criticise them for or what you judge in others? Vanity? Short-sightedness? Lack of self-respect?

How you answer these questions reveals a lot about how you regard yourself. It’s important to know that criticism and judgment come from the same source: shame.

Shame turned inward is self-criticism; turned outward it sits as a self-righteous judge of others. Judging others puts you in a one-up position with the illusory promise of power.

We say, “Look at what an impatient mother you are as you yell at your kids,” when we’re really saying to ourselves, “I find my own impatience intolerable. I’m such a terrible mother if I feel or act that way.” Judgment keeps us in a place of disconnection. We cannot be authentically connected to others when we hold them at arm’s length with our daggers of judgment.

Do you get the point here?

You Allow Others To Treat You With Disrespect (Lack of Self-respect) 

One of my favourite sayings is, “We teach others how to treat us.”

You are in control of how others treat you. You decide what you will and won’t allow into your life. You are not a victim, but a co-creator with others in how your story plays out. When you allow others to abuse, demean or disrespect you, you become partners with them in your own destruction.

And the best antidote to dealing with disrespect is to create and maintain boundaries. Boundaries serve as the force field of self-respect that buffers you from the people that don’t have your best interests in mind. Boundaries nudge you toward walking away when someone’s being an ass. They embolden you to firmly stand up for your values. They protect you when your personal worth is being challenged.

Want a path to a life well-lived? Take time to nurture and savour your closest relationships. The relationships that make you a better version of yourself each day.

Famously said by a pioneer in positive psychology, “Happiness is love and respect. Full stop.” 

Give and receive! 

And that’s what it is!

Happy relationships to you!

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