So, you must have heard the great saying by a learned philosopher (unknown as yet, he did not make big, must be busy making a literary ass-scent somewhere)…
Well, he said…
“If people are talking behind your back, just fart!”
How apt is this. I just love this, don’t you?
Well, well, jokes afart… errr…apart, let’s address this topic in a rather SERIOUS FARTION!
We all sometimes get into a farty situation. The trick is not to get embarrassed and just make the best use of this opportunity, and be the odourly hero!
Here, I tell you 7 awesome ways to tackle the if you happen to fart!
- When you fart in public, let’s say while travelling in a metro
Make a dirty face yourself, cover your nose dramatically, look here and there, as if you are trying to find the culprit and say loudly “Whoever that was, next time when you fart, can you please open the windows first!”
And get back to your odour of joy!
- When you fart in front of your boss while discussing a serious project.
Point at the presentation sheet immediately, and say a smart thing, maybe something like “I have a fartastic plan on how fart we can push the sales graph up”
Trust me, the boss will only be hearing “sales graph up”, and nothing else! 😛
- When you fart while on a date.
Just fan your face delicately, look at your date with eyes filled with flatulation… eh sorry… adulation and say “I didn’t fart honey, my ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!”
Whatever happens after that, don’t hold me rASSponsible for that.
- When you fart in a college class.
I am sure the fart that you fart in your college class is a loud and smellier fart. So, just be a brave heart and try to make a fun part; just start to make noises of fart with your mouth blowing like a trumpart! And pretend that you are a funny musical jester from the core of your heart! 😀
Your friendly mates will think that you are just trying to make some ASSome muSTINK! 😀
- When you fart in a library.
Say loudly “I am reading Shakespeare’s play about surprisingly fragrant flatulence, it’s called All Smells that End Well. It’s such a odourful read! Oh, do they also have a book on the study of farts called ANUSsneeziology?”
Your reading companions will sure understand that you are completely consumed by the Shakespearian offering!
- When you quite grossly accidentally fart in a prayer room.
Keep calm, keep your eyes full of divine harmony and say softly, “Do you know that the medieval monks use to bottle and vend their farts, as a form of sell-flatulation. Such a blissful and selfless way of offering a piece of self to the world”
After this, you my friend, will be the most admired in the prayer hall.
- When you fart on an international flight.
Look at your co-passenger. Smile. And say in a pleasant tone “Official immigration policy is that newcomers should light their farts. This encourages ass-immolation. I am new to this country, I am visiting you see”
They will definitely identify with your fartanxiety and excuse you for all the poop reasons!
So my friends, you see, it’s not always embarrASSing to fart!
You just have to display your intestinal fartitude and leave everyone flaber-gas-stinked, while you play i-no-scent!