So you’re an alcoholic and the world is pestering you with the demand of you becoming sober and coming back as a regular member of the society!
How selfish of them, right?
I mean, just because you enjoy your daily glass or glasses or bottle or bottles of liquor every night and day, it doesn’t give the so called moral police of the society to outcast you! It’s inhuman, atrocious and against the basic laws of humanity!
You deserve better than that because you’re special, right?
Let’s share with you 7 amazing benefits of alcohol hidden inside that sultry bottle that attracts you all the time:
1) You Become Centre Of Attraction:
Your boring monotonous routine life suddenly becomes exciting, interesting and full of surprises. After being drunk you get a new lease of life and you create enough of drama that not even an Oscar winning film can claim to have! So who’s going to get attention? Of course, YOU!!
2) You Go Places
First of all you’ll go to any length to get your daily quota of liquor. Come rain, sunshine or snowfall, a liquor shop is never out of reach for you, no matter which city, town or village you are in! And once you’re drunk, then you travel too, to unknown by-lanes, dark alleys, stranger’s homes thinking it’s yours, and to so many unimaginable places! Travelling is fun, isn’t it?
3) You Become A Messiah!
Remember all that love you pour on your buddies, colleagues, even strangers once you are few drinks down? Everyone starts looking like your brother, your girlfriend etc and you can’t stop hugging them, loving them, trying to tell them how much each one of them matters to you in life? Spreading so much of love isn’t easy and yet, you do it day after day after day! Not a mean task!
4) Your Family Loves You More!
Even your estranged son gives it up and looks for you in the middle of the night when you’re nowhere to be found. Searching around the gutters, behind park benches, outside some liquor shop becomes his favourite past time just to show that he loves you so much and misses you! And your wife stays awake the whole night, is ready to clean you after you puke all over yourself and keeps medication handy in case you bump your head on the kitchen door! Ever got so much love and attention when you were sober?
5) You Are Part Of Something Big
You are no longer a Hindu, Christian, Muslim or Indian, Pakistani, American or rich, poor, or beggar! Your status elevates itself to be part of the world’s largest community where-in everyone is equal and is known by a common name: drunkard! Or may be in Indian language: Bewda, Daarubaaz etc! See, even without a good job or education, you have a bloody title for your name! How many can boast of such a deserving title?
6) Your Government Loves You
No matter which nation you’re in, you get immense amount of love and respect from your government. Even if you don’t vote! The simple reason is you drink, drink and drink till you drop and once you’re able to get up, you drink again! All that money spent on booze makes economy tick, earns governments much needed taxes and everyone is happy. The government doesn’t care whether you vote or not as long as you finish that bottle and are ready to buy a few more!
7) Your Life Becomes Simpler
Your life becomes so easy and uncomplicated after you’re drunk, right? No more worries, biggest problems of life look like cakewalk and you stay consistently stay on cloud 9! What else can one ask for when rest of us mere mortals are always fighting to earn a living, solve our domestic disputes, live a sane life! You achieve all that just by drinking!
Well, for those who still think alcohol is making you look cool and is a good habit; please join kindergarten to re-learn what sarcasm is all about!
For rest of you, please wake up and realize what you’re doing! Life and your loved ones are way too important than this silly stupid addiction!