A good laugh never harms, right?
And some famous people know how to make people laugh, even for the most sensitive subjects like love, relationships and sex!
They have the wit and they have the gut to spell out some of the most hilarious relationship quotes on these overrated topics.
Here are 20 best ones that you can keep in your memory bank and use them when the gruesome situation arises.
- “Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.” — Dave Attell 😛
- “Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.” — Groucho Marx (Hope you know what necking is :D)
- “A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.” — Joan Rivers (Damn right Joan!)
- “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” —Chris Rock (He nailed it!)
- “Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from.” — Nora Ephron (Way to go Nora!)
- “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” — Woody Allen (Haaa ha ha I love this one Woody)
- “Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it’s good, it’s good. When it’s bad, you get it on your shirt.” —Mike Birbiglia ( Mmmm, are you still thinking what he means?)
- Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? —Groucho Marx ( I don’t, do you? 😛 )
- “I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.” —Chelsea Handler (It is Chelsea, it is, for sure!)
- “Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we’re doing, we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.” — Jerry Seinfeld
- “God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” — Robin Williams (Hell yeah Robin, now we know the truth!)
- “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers (Well really?)
- “What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn’t understand math.” — Mike Birbiglia (You are cleverer Mike, but not cleverer than women)
- “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” —Lily Tomlin (:p 😀 :D)
- “I remember the first time I had sex. I kept the receipt.” — Groucho Marx Again (He is phenomenal, isn’t he?)
- “My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield (Story of most :P)
- “It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.” — Marilyn Monroe (Monroe, we love you. With or without anything on :* :* )
- “Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.” — Woody Allen (I want mine… the meaningless experience!!)
- “It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.” —Nick Hornby (This one is smart, mighty smart Nick! You got it there!!)
- “Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both, don’t you? “Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!” —Dave Attell ( Haaaaahahahahahaahaaaaa I just can’t stop laughing man 😀 :D)
Don’t forget to scribble them on your brain!
And tell us which quote, can you relate to the best?
Got any other good ones to add?