Are you falling out of love?

It all started on a beautiful note but you don’t feel the love anymore… Why?


It all started on a beautiful note. You would impatiently look forward to seeing your partner and taking to him/her over the phone for hours. Somewhere you had contented yourself with the comforting feeling that you were being truly loved by someone and you had nothing to fear. All those little and big things that your lover selflessly did for you only made you stronger and reinforced the belief in the relationship. Over time, there were promises made that you will stay with each other come what may.

When you had started dating, you were at your best and so was your partner – open, loving, caring and fun to be with. Then slowly, as months and years slipped past, something or the other inevitably happened that triggered fear inside you – of losing your partner, of losing yourself in the relationship, of being controlled by your partner, of compromising, of engulfment, of rejection, of too much expectation. Perhaps, more often than not your partner seems distant from you and to get his attention, you have started becoming clingy and irritating. For the fear of being engulfed, your partner pulls away from you and you end up feeling even more rejected. Gradually it becomes a vicious circle where you get caught in the blame game, and trying to protect yourself rather than understanding and letting your love grow out of predicaments.

Out of your fear, the controlling behaviour is taking over everything else in your relationship and this stands true for both you and your partner. It finds its outlet in blame, anger, defensiveness, attack, complaint, defiance, withdrawal, indifference or resistance. Again, you get caught up and eventually completely exhausted in it. If you choose blame and anger to confront your partner rather than an open conversation which is rooted in compassion your partner will resort to defending himself/herself and will turn indifferent in the end. If you try to control your partner by losing yourself completely to him/her instead of finding answers to whatever your problems may be, he or she may become more demanding.

Slowly, the conflicts, big or small, never get resolved because you both are not open to learning anymore about your own selves and each other. The feeling of resentment starts seeping in and love cannot flourish thereafter. You have lost the drive to consider your partner’s highest good and hold it close to heart and none of you is willing to take responsibility of your feelings which trigger the behaviour.

Over time, the passion diminishes and you don’t feel turned on by your partner’s love as well as his anger. He/she may need sex to feel intimate and on the other hand, you need to feel intimate to be able to have sex and enjoy it. This makes the relationship seem boring and whole vitality of sexuality is affected by this. You feel you have lost touch with your essence and disconnection becomes a norm in the relationship.  

If you really wish to get back to your partner, the way back is through the healing process of inner bonding and taking personal responsibility of your own feelings. You need to stop rejecting and abandoning yourself and bring love and compassion to your own being. The moment you start feeling loved by yourself you will see it being reciprocated by your partner as well.


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