Losing virginity ‘“ big deal or not?

Why should it be okay to have sex in an arranged marriage, where you don’t know the person well and not with your boyfriend or girlfriend…


For all those, who fear losing their virginity before marriage, here’s a question: what is the fear for? It is completely understandable if you are not comfortable with the idea of having sex with any random person, before you get into a relationship with someone you like or love. This makes perfect sense. But, if living in this century you have those rotten notions of associating purity and chastity with being a virgin, then you really need to be transported back to an era when even Adam and Eve didn’t make out. Having sex, if you are over 16 years of age, is not a crime or offense and neither is it against god’s will (for those devout souls). And talking about purity, all you need to do is clear your mind from all rubbish and stupid thoughts and notions, and get realistic in life. Nothing earth shattering will happen if you lose your virginity. The life will be as it is right now and may be more enjoyable.  

Not many people are fine with the idea of pre-marital sex and this includes youngsters, parents and other elders and not to forget those unwanted moral watchdogs. The main reason behind this is that their minds have been conditioned to think like that. Even for those, who haven’t given virginity a hallowed status and have gone ahead with enjoying their growing up years, things must be quite different at home.

It stands true for most of us that we could never and we still can’t openly talk about sex with our parents. Neither were we exposed to sex education in school and I am not talking about the porn films you secretly saw with your friends or alone. Agreed that you must have learnt a lot from those, but the point in question is of proper talks or lectures on the subject. And to make it worse, there were those Bollywood films (think 90s and early 2000s) and songs which further promoted the idea of linking morality with sex. Reality check: people who are not virgins doesn’t mean they are immoral. They may have far greater morals and stronger principles in life than those who are.

I have still not understood why it is okay to have sex with your husband or wife in an arranged marriage, where you don’t know the other person and not okay if you have it with your boyfriend or girlfriend whom you know. Agreed that marriage gives you the conjugal rights and it is considered obvious that you won’t be a virgin if you are married. But, if you have been in a relationship with someone and are holding yourself back from having an intercourse because the siren of marriage keeps ringing in your head, then it absolutely holds no grounds.

Come to think of it. Sex is not rocket science. It is very natural to feel like having sex. It doesn’t take away anything from you. It only strengthens your bond with your partner. And it is enjoyable. Even if you lose your virginity to the wrong guy or girl, it will not make you any lesser and will not make a difference to anybody’s life. There is no need to feel bad about yourself and mull over it till eternity. It is an experience and if you went wrong somewhere, just learn from it and move on.  


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