I am a virgin, but my partner is not

What happens when you get into a relationship with a person who is not a virgin and you are?


I have seen strong, long relationships crumbling down to breakups because one of the partners was not a virgin when he/she started dating the other, who was. The saddest part was that it seemed that they genuinely loved each other, spent a lot of youthful years together in doing crazy, fun things and then suddenly broke apart. When I asked one of my close friends about the real reason behind the fallout, she said that somehow she could never get over the fact that he (her ex-guy) had sex with someone else before they started going around. Even though the guy was always open about his past and my friend was genuinely trying to accept the truth, it all came crashing down on both of them one day. Whenever they got physically intimate, there was always something holding back the girl from getting into an intercourse with him, and he was left wondering what went wrong. Whenever there was a slight mention about his past experiences with other girls, it seethed a burning rage in the girl. Then it was quite obvious that the bedroom matters started triggering other issues and even the smallest problem appeared like an ordeal to get over. Naturally, it all had to come to an unpleasant end. While this is the personal story of a couple in its early 20s, many of us who are in similar circumstances, on either side of the fence, would relate to it. Now, the big question is how to deal with it in a way that doesn’t emotionally scar you or your partner.

First of all, you really need to know what you are getting into. If the past of the person you want to get involved with really matters to you, then appreciate an open conversation. Make the person feel at ease with you so that he or she can open up without hesitating. Always keep in mind that if you react in a negative manner to an incident or a thought that your partner is sharing, chances are that he or she will not be comfortable in opening up to you regarding that subject, no matter how important it is. At worst, the person may even keep mum on it and never speak out again in the future, which will only worsen a free flow of conversation between the two of you.

More than your partner, it is you who needs to be very sure of yourself in the relationship. Once both of you are clear about each other’s history, you need to be absolutely sure about your feelings towards each other. Even if there is a small doubt, mull over it again or talk it out and kill it right then and there. Don’t keep it for posterity because it is these small things which snowball into bigger issues and go beyond repair. More often than not, we generally tend to overlook bedroom issues or hold ourselves back from discussing them. But, it is pertinent that you come out of your inhibitions and talk your hearts out. Don’t let such problems go unheard.

It is very important to be true to yourself if you really want a relationship to work. Always remember that if there is something that is troubling you, it needs to be treated. And the best way is to openly talk to your partner about it and put all your fears and worries to rest. Until and unless you deal with it, you will never remain completely happy and this will be unfair to your partner as well. Like the instance which I shared with you all, had the girl initially spoken to the guy about how it troubles her every time she thinks about him having lost his virginity to someone else, it would have saved them a lot of trouble and heart aches. Either they would have said a goodbye to each other when they were not too emotionally involved, or the guy would have tried to make her get over it. In any case, they both would have been happier souls right now.

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