Facebook .. Ahhhh the ever so eternal facebook!!
Well, what do I say about it; the words will fall short to tell a tale about this Elixir that is keeping alive each one of us! “Facebook na hota to zindagi zindagi na hoti, baba ji ka ghanta hoti”. Right?
I mean seriously, even my bhaaji wala has an account on facebook. Forget the account! The other day I asked him while ordering on phone “bhaiya kya kya sabzi hai?” He replied, rather ceremoniously, “madam aap mere facebook page par check kar lo, sari fresh photo mil jaayegi wahaan!”
Really? .. Oh Buoy, I am getting too old probably. World is progressing faster than the frequency of my farts!
Anyways, coming back to the real agenda of today! Do you really think we are living a real life on Facebook. Well I dare to present my POV through these bomb-shots!
Have a peek!
1) So here the whole story starts. A Classic Profile Picture! Thunder Thighs: Edited! Rubbery Tyred Paunch: Gone! Pout Lips: Highlighted! Oozing Bosom: More Highlighted! And there you are…. The ultimate seductress. Ready to eat the world!
2) Once the profile picture is uploaded, the wait begins. Counting the Likes in the middle of the night! Yeah 1… hey 1 more… ooohhhh 5 more likes.. yesss!!!
3) Ok.. but what does these likes get you ! Oscar???
4) And then….. blindly “Adding Friends” race catches up! More the friends, more the likes. Why can’t I be a celebrity? (Facebook celebrity?)
5) Care to check real people behind those cute looking PROFILES you are adding as friends? Gosh man!! Some of them can turn out to be real life Gorillas. And then, what a fun man, your FRIEND (FB wala) says hello to you and you are thinking “Who the f**k are you?”
6) And yes… those creeps. The Stalkers… having all the wella time in the world. You write “I ate forgs for dinner! I am constipated for last 45 days, I can’t even sit on my bums” and they would like it religiously!!
7) Oh the INFAMOUS POKERS! Hello Dude, what are you poking me for?? My ribs are aching already? And what the hell this POKING means after all? I mean you can say HELLO.. right? That’s a civilised way to greet!
8) Well, they are not on Facebook for nothing! Posting anything and everything on FACEBOOK seems to be only objective of mortals. What they eat, what they wear, where they sleep, what underwear they wear, which toothpaste brand they use… everything.. I mean EVERYTHING has to be on FACEBOOK!!
9) Oh I forgot to mention above! What are they feeding their pups … is also a very relevant Facebook post!
10) And then the “Awww I love you sooooo much baby? You are my Jaan!” Well ok… Does the JAAN knows??? Go tell him as much as you are telling Facebook!
11) Hey, listen… I know you can afford some “DUMB-SHIT Hang-in joint” everyday. Please stop CHECKING-IN and showing it off to the world and making me feel inferior about in my 3-leged smelly couch!
12) Oh Ok! You didn’t like my status… or my pics… or the utter crap that I have been posting for last 5 days?? Here.. I un-friend you! Tadaaaa!!
13) So what if I have your phone number and I can call you anytime I want! I will only write on your FACEBOOK TIMELINE how much I love you and miss you! How the hell do you expect the world to know of OUR Muuuuuuaah Muuuuah FRIENDSHIP! We do have 1000 common friends right?
14) Well… after all the episodic drama… friending…unfriending….blocking…and what not.. all we are left with are those TSUNAMIC GAME REQUESTS! Listen dude…
15) Who wants to meet REAL FRIENDS in REAL LIFE then?? Facebook Zindabad!
16) Oh well… I really wish … really really wish.. we all get well soon! Life is too precious to be published (read wasted) on facebook, Isn’t it?